Eva Medina: "I've found it difficult to set limits for my son because I don't consider them necessary."

BarcelonaHaving children brought back unresolved wounds from our own childhood. This allowed me to reconnect with the child I once was, reclaim her, and learn to nurture her. I also had the opportunity to understand my own parents. Motherhood places us all in a vulnerable position, but at the same time, it bestows upon us a wisdom that is difficult to find elsewhere. Raising children confronts us with our own shortcomings. During my son's early years, I recovered many memories of when I was a child caring for a younger sibling.

She became a mother at 40. In what ways was that positive?

— I had already experienced motherhood through friends and my sister, so I knew things I would have otherwise discovered suddenly. It also helped me be more in tune with my instincts, and I was certain I wouldn't let anyone interfere with the bond I formed with my son. If I had been younger, my insecurities would have made me doubt myself more.

And in what other aspects was being 40 a problem?

— I suffered a miscarriage and it took me longer to get pregnant again. This led me to question whether I wanted to continue with fertility treatments. It was a difficult and painful time as I grieved the loss of my first child. I felt I didn't have much time left to try again. I almost gave up.

Did you go through any particularly difficult times?

— During the first trimester of my pregnancy, I was told there was a chance the baby would have birth defects. I had to deal with those fears, which came more from outside than from within myself.

Having gone through a difficult childhood has influenced your motherhood.

— The difficulties I experienced as a child included a lack of affection; constant arguments between my parents; my father's severe alcoholism, which ultimately led to his death; significant financial hardship; and a great deal of stress. Because of all this, I treat my son with the tenderness and gentleness I would have liked to receive. This doesn't mean I'm always gentle, because I also get angry. This is a healthy emotion, too. Now, I often overprotect my son because I have a distorted understanding of boundaries.

What do you mean?

— I grew up without boundaries and with a lot of violence. Although I've done a lot of personal work, my childhood experiences are still present. I've often struggled to set limits for my son because I don't consider them necessary, even though sometimes they are. I need to work more on how I exercise my authority without feeling guilty.

Mothers and fathers live with the fear of harming their children.

— Motherhood is a lifelong journey, so we have room to adjust. It's important to look inward as we continue on our path, to recognize if at any point we lose touch with how we're parenting. And it's essential to learn to communicate from the heart. I always encourage my son to express pain and sadness, as these are emotions that, given my own history, were harder for me to express. He has no trouble showing anger, but he struggles to express what hurts or makes him sad.

Today your son is 9 years old. What stage has been the most precious?

— Breastfeeding was a wonderful gift. I have never experienced, and I don't think I ever will again experience, anything so special and different.

And the most complicated one?

— It was hard to watch the exhaustion build up. When I was three or four years old, I wanted to go back to work and needed to be rested. I needed to regain my energy so I could feel like an independent human being again, beyond motherhood.

Despite the many wounds, what do you want to pass on to your son from what you experienced?

— I come from a humble family, but one with values ​​I've always cherished. Despite our limited resources, my family instilled in me the importance of always helping others. I grew up in a small town, at my grandparents' house, which taught me to live with a large extended family and neighbors. The doors were almost always open. This was a beautiful experience that also shaped my childhood.