Neither mom nor dad: Why does my son call me by my first name?

Some children refer to their parents by their first names, and move away from the traditional mother either dad. Although it may seem strange, it often has a simple explanation: the child has heard it said. "When this happens, it's because parents use their first name; they don't refer to the person by the role they play, but by their given name, and so the child learns that they should address them that way," explains Sylvie Pérez, psychologist and associate professor at the UOC's Department of Psychology and Educational Sciences. Generally, within families, parents identify themselves by the role they play with their children and address themselves thus: "Let's go see the Pope" or "Ask Mom."

Another reason, according to Pérez, why a child may use their first name instead of mother either dad is that the parent does not fully identify with the role and, therefore, does not refer to themselves as such. "If the child does not feel it, because between the couple or between relatives they call each other by name and the figure of mother either dad, then he doesn't learn it and, consequently, doesn't use it," he points out. It can also happen that the use of a given name generates sympathy and laughter among adults, and that the child interprets it as a funny resource: "If you laugh, the child understands it as something positive, that is, he thinks he's doing something he likes and that's why he repeats it."

Could it be a symptom of a lack of bond with parents?

"In general, no, but in some cases it could be a question of the child distancing himself from the mother or father," warns the psychologist. Rather than focusing on the specific use of the given name, it is necessary to observe how the child habitually refers to his parents: if he always uses the given name instead of the given name when speaking, mother either dad, could indicate an underlying emotional distance that would be worth exploring. "What can be indicative of distance isn't the occasional use of the name, but rather the habitual way of referring to it," Pérez explains.

How to redirect the situation?

If parents want their children to call them mother either dad Instead of using their name, the main recommendation is to act naturally and persistently. mother either dad, because this would reinforce the behavior for an external and not genuine reason." It is also not advisable to laugh or dramatize the situation. If the child has already acquired the habit of doing so, it is appropriate to redirect it gradually, without getting angry or turning it into a conflict.

"The key is to persist with it. You can incorporate everyday expressions such as "take this to mom" or "tell dad" to naturally reinforce the use of these words. After all, the child using their own name is not offensive in any way;

Can it change over time?

The use of these terms is not definitive. According to the psychologist, "nothing is irreversible, and even less so these types of linguistic issues: a child may start by addressing their parents by name and, later, return to them by name." mother either dad naturally." Pérez emphasizes that the most important thing is not so much the words chosen but the role that is constructed: if the child clearly perceives who occupies the place of father or mother, the language will adapt spontaneously.

Parenting styles and the social environment can also influence. mother either dad, they can end up confusing the terms. "It's essential to be careful about how we address others in front of children, since the way we position ourselves in terms of roles has a lot of influence on their perception," Pérez points out.