My children's friends

BarcelonaMy children have all kinds of friends. The ones who are always around. The padel friend. The otaku friend who's always online. School friends. Leisure friends. The children of my friends who are now their friends. The friend who's always making plans. The friend who never calls. The best friend. The only friend. Or the friend we can't stand.

Think about it: with four children, I've seen it all. They have friends who are like wardrobe staples, whom I see year after year, and others who change every season, depending on their hobbies or new connections. I've always thought that friendship is a priority in education, and too often we don't give it the importance it deserves. Sometimes we minimize these relationships, and when our children are disappointed, we try to downplay it with phrases like, "It's okay, you have other friends," or "Don't be upset, it's not worth it."

I don't like this message. Of course it happens; it always hurts to feel left out or for a friendship to end over something trivial or for no real reason. Why are we no longer friends if nothing has happened? Some situations can feel like a grieving process, and that's why I believe friendship should never be treated as a lesser relationship, unworthy of feeling distressed or dedicating time to. Our children's friends, whether we like them or not, are very important, and I think it's a topic that requires time and conversation. Just as we educate them academically and in healthy habits, we must also dedicate time to teaching them the value of friendship.

The Impact of Friendship on Teenagers

Secondary school teachers are acutely aware of how serious this issue is. The stability that comes from having friends (whether few or many) is key to academic performance, boosts students' self-esteem, and provides them with a small oasis in the desert that is secondary school. Adolescence is a particularly delicate stage; if liking yourself is already difficult enough, imagine how hard it is to fit in with others. There are ups and downs; some days they feel comfortable with a group, and other days they dislike everyone. Managing this social and hormonal rollercoaster is incredibly difficult. Families have to watch them change friends, make new ones, and handle conflicts disastrously. And yes, we all know that some relationships aren't good for them, but for children, it's a learning experience to recognize these relationships and distance themselves from those who aren't good for them. Contribute or step aside.

I think it's also crucial that our children see how we treat our friends. Friendship is a generous relationship where things aren't done out of obligation or duty. They aren't family, and we genuinely get together because we want to, because they enrich our lives, or because we have a good time together. I've always tried to make our house a welcoming and meeting place, and now I realize they do the same and are always asking if they can invite their friends over. My children hardly hear what I say, but they notice everything I do, and that's why I think it's so important for them to see that despite motherhood, work, and life's ups and downs, I haven't given up on this part of my life dedicated to my friends.

Luckily, I have friends who are a bit like cacti and don't need much watering; they're very resilient, and we love each other just the same. But for me, taking care of them is as important as taking care of family and a partner. In a society where we increasingly think of time "for me," read self-help books, and where the culture of "me" is eclipsing the culture of "us," giving to others is an almost heroic act that we must value. There's no need to romanticize it or attribute therapeutic value to it, but I do see it as essential that we all—teachers and families—do a little more to promote friendship.