Mara Faye Lethem: "A mother loses a tooth for every child"

BarcelonaWe spent four years with the kids living in Brooklyn, the neighborhood of my childhood. My children went to my elementary school, and Judith even did a year of my school there. middle schoolNow I think they understand me better as a person and know more about what it means to be American, although I wouldn't say New York is entirely typical of the country in general. We've traveled the world and now we're back living in the Raval neighborhood of Barcelona.

You're a mother of post-adolescents, on the other hand, the protagonist of Crazy series if you didn't She has a young child and is pregnant.

— I wrote it a while ago. I'm so glad I did because some things from the earlier stages are fading away. We tend to forget the hardest parts: the lack of sleep, the constant vigilance... And we only remember the best parts.

This happens especially in the early years. Everything seems like a postcard.

— I associate it with a lie, a fiction of my generation, which is that women can juggle everything. I think that, before, the work of raising children and caring for elderly parents was largely invisible. Often, it had to be done by a woman who hadn't even had the chance to dream about what she might have liked to do.

Even now, women still have to choose, while men don't have to.

— Being a mother means investing a lot of our vital energy in our family and realizing that it's the most rewarding job we can do. When, in reality, like everything worthwhile, it involves many challenges, many hard moments, and also some boring ones. From a young age, I wondered what it meant to be a mother, and also what it meant to have children, because mine died very young. I wasn't sure I wanted children, but I didn't want to miss the experience of giving birth. My stepmother always said: a mother loses a tooth for every child. It hasn't happened to me, but I like the idea.

A few years ago he went to live in the United States.

— Seeing the world and understanding other perspectives is a great privilege. What sometimes hurts is accepting that it's not possible to live in two places at once. My children have had to learn this from a young age. For me, having two cities is a bittersweet experience.

The book makes it clear that you have a pretty sharp sense of humor.

— At home, I try to control my sarcasm because the children are somewhat sensitive. I don't know to what extent I succeed. I stop myself when I think that perhaps my words carry more weight than I imagine.

From experience, I know that sarcasm is often hereditary.

— We're a pretty close family, but I think all four of us like to have the last word, and that gets tiring. Plus, we're trilingual.

Of the things you feel like saying about the relationship with your children, what do you find most irritating?

— I don't like advice that makes us feel guilty, like: if you do this, your children will need years of therapy. I don't think we should be responsible for our children's emotional lives. What's needed is to give them the tools they'll need to manage themselves. And we also have to set an example, and this means not giving up our own things, the things we're passionate about, not giving up having an intellectual and creative life just because we have children.

What worries you most right now?

— I see that it's a very complicated time with the issue of screens, the issue of AI, which is linked to rampant consumerism and instant gratification. Basically, the whole demerification extended. I don't know how to make them understand the importance of studying. What I would prefer most is that they learn the value of effort.

And what doesn't worry you at all?

— I've always been so grateful to have a daughter who's so self-confident, has a clear head, and is brave. I'm not taking any credit. That's just how she was.

And you, how have you evolved as a mother?

— I didn't fully mature until I became a mother. Before that, I wasted a lot more time. I was more of a child before having children. Now I take better care of myself, try to set a good example, and make the most of my time.