Laia Gordi: "Become father-mothers"
Journalist, communicator and mother of a six-year-old boy. She has worked as a correspondent. She has lived in China, Denmark, the United Kingdom and the United States. She publishes 'The mothers' revolt. Feminist assault on motherhood' (Tigre de Paper), an essay that explains how feminism can help to live motherhood in a more empowered, enjoyed and cared-for way. She founded the alternative culture and communication cooperative Neu al Carrer.
We decided to have a child without giving it much thought. And thank goodness, because I tend to overthink things. We were excited and knew it would never be the perfect time. I didn't even consider the arguments against it. I had no idea what I was getting into and the journey is proving to be amazing.Six months after birth, we were confined.
— For us, the confinement gave us an almost utopian space where productivity did not exist. I remember we set up a dinner on the rooftop, we put up a triangular awning and we ate a tomato salad and a baked rice while our baby watched us from the lounger. It seemed like we had traveled a lot, like we were on some Mediterranean island. I thought that life should always be like that.
You write: "We need tender men, desperately".
— Tender men are men who want to care and strive every day to do so. Men are massively educated to be chauvinistic, not only in the family sphere, but basically in society. This is what is expected of you and what is asked of you, almost always unconsciously and automatically. But not all of you are comfortable being chauvinistic and many of you want to stop being so. Tender men are those who want to care from respect and equality, never from paternalism.
Being parents without paternalism...
— A fatherhood understood and lived like a motherhood. From feminist mothering you have a great opportunity to connect with tenderness, with emotional intelligence, to learn to be mothers, becoming mother men. And I speak of mother men, not feminist fathers, "maps" or other terms because I no longer know what it means to be a father, so worn out has it been by male chauvinism and patriarchy. On the other hand, we all understand what a mother is.
Give me an example of living in a man-mother's house.
— Not long ago I had an important work meeting in the morning and our son had a coughing fit. We both got up to attend to him. I went to get the syrup and my partner took it from me and told me: go to sleep, I'll take care of it. It's nothing exceptional. We are simply interchangeable.
Certainly, it should be very simple.
— Unfortunately, it is uncommon. At home, when the child calls "mama" or "papa" we both respond. It is liberating. It makes us interchangeable in front of him. It is a game that hacks gender roles very simply. Sometimes my son makes a mistake and when he calls me he says papa and I don't correct him.
Why is motherhood a political act?
— Because it has the capacity for social transformation. We cannot talk about the future, nor can we build a new and different world without cared-for, healthy, and happy children; that is, without mothers.
Feminism has often distrusted motherhood.
— Because motherhood was imposed on us, but today, as many of us live chosen mothering, it turns out that motherhood can also be a source of empowerment. However you look at it, it is a form of social activism. And here it is important that the left begins to make an inclusive maternal discourse or we will have to eat the tradwifes, as is already happening.
Page 26: "Motherhood is euphoria and hate in equal parts [...] no creature in the world will generate as much love and as much anger in you".
— Not long ago, my son appeared in the dining room with his cousin, both with their faces completely painted and some party flags from when we parents were young. At first I laughed, then I remembered that the flags were kept in an inaccessible place in our room. They had taken a ladder and emptied everything onto the bed, a lot of documentation mixed with old toys, various odds and ends and a box of "magic sand" open and spread over the bed. I exploded. I lost my temper, in many ways.
And now tell me another one that ends with a smile.
— One day he was playing in a park with another child, he picked up a stick and started pretending to shoot a gun while his friend laughed and pretended to dodge the bullets. I called him over to tell him I didn't like guns and to ask him if they could play something else. He looked at me tenderly and said: don't worry, mom, it's a water pistol.