Perfection kills and humor saves lives

Eat more protein, you need it! How much? Look it up and calculate. Make sure it's quality because your muscles and bone mass will thank you, I promise you by the Virgin of Conscious Menopause. But don't just eat protein, eat everything but eat well. Attention: raw vegetables at night, no. Processed foods, never! Gluten in moderation. Alcohol... Nye.

Because why? Horror! Do you want to get bloated? Yes, I understand, being self-employed also causes bloating, or being salaried and exploited, but it's different. Let your digestive system rest for twelve consecutive hours. Exercise. Not just any exercise. Strength, strength, strength. And yoga. And calisthenics. And Pilates. And get your heart racing. No, a tax audit doesn't count. Damn it, do some cardio! Be careful not to overload your muscles. Meditate. I don't know when, that's up to you, what are you telling me. Meditate on meditating and when to meditate and how finding time to meditate can be unmeditative and very stressful.

Do journaling. That "dear diary, today..." thing but in adult mode and write what comes to your mind and criticize what makes you angry and be grateful that you can criticize. Do it when you wake up. Yes, before meditating. Yes, before exercising. Yes, before taking protein. Yes, before the skin care routine (cleanse, serum, moisturize, protect, and with good products, mind you, those sold by the guy with cheap supermarkets that fund fascist-conservative foundations don't count). Yes, before dressing modern and elegant. Yes, before telling yourself in the mirror that you are wonderful and deserve everything. Yes, you have to get up three hours before leaving home. But don't leave without taking omega-3, and omega-6, and vitamin C, and collagen. Oh, and magnesium! Please, how could we have lived without magnesium! Be careful, there's a type of magnesium that makes you go to the bathroom, don't say I didn't warn you. But take magnesium, please. Oh, and creatine, until you notice you're puffing up like a chicken and your pants don't button up, and then stop taking it and damn everything because you don't understand why no one told you (I'm telling you now). Get a facial every season. Acupuncture. Face and body treatments galore. Detox. Stretch. Ask for a personal loan or a mortgage extension to pay for so many things. Don't think about having to pay rent afterwards, a quality life is worth everything. Go, go miles, life is now, or is it not?

Tidy up your home. Tidy up your finances. Become an expert in the stock market and diversified investments to achieve financial freedom. Metals are trending now, they are a safe value. Discover why. Oh. And also work, because otherwise, I fear they won't give you the personal loan or the mortgage extension. Cultivate friendships. Just meeting up to catch up is no longer enough. Do things with them. When? I don't know. But cultivate and care for them. And your family, obviously! But above all, above all, above all, laugh, at yourself and at everything I've just explained to you. Because as I used to say when I signed as The Worst Mom in the World: perfection kills and humor saves lives.