The world is full of men who work until they reach the age of 100 and who see little of their families.
Following the series Adolescence, Valencian professor Gemma Lluch takes me to the book The will to change, men, masculinity and love, by feminist Bell Hooks (Paper Tiger), and I'm struck by many of the concepts she presents. One of them is the amount of time men and women allow themselves to dedicate to work and romantic relationships. And it's not the same amount. Most men prioritize work, while women prioritize time spent on relationships (family, friends, love). And all of this, of course, comes with nuances.
As a woman, I can say that the work space, in my case a vocation and a passion, has always been important, but the love space has always been extremely important.
When I had children, I was clear that my professional life would remain active and vibrant, but that my priority would be my children while they were young, and my children's father did the same. We would have been able to organize it. But the possibility never arose.
We're divorced now, but we created space as a couple outside of the children. And I tried to make time for friendships myself. And also for loving myself. Without this space, I suffocate, and when I haven't done so, I've paid a huge price in mental and physical health. Cultivating love makes me happy, and without that space, I work worse. And although it feels awful, I'll explain that I prefer a mid-morning coffee with someone I love and haven't seen in a while, even if I have to go to hell afterwards. It's one of the reasons I feel fortunate for the life I lead and also for being a woman, because my choice falls within what women can do without being looked down upon. But lately, since I work so hard, I also suffer. The fact that a woman dedicates so much time to her professional life isn't so common anymore. Or it is, but it's viewed differently, like a woman doing something strange.
The world is full of men who work until the hour, who rarely see their families. And I know that those who wouldn't want to do so don't know how to break out of that diabolical loop. Being a man is still being a provider, someone who shouldn't skip a meeting to check on his son's swimming lane or to meet up with a friend who's having a hard time. Men with a busy professional schedule too often only allow themselves the time to play sports. And I ask at my gym if women do the same, and they tell me no way, not even for fun. I'm sorry, but we're still here. I hope this imbalance changes. I hope men can dedicate more time to love and women to developing their professional careers freely. I hope.