Discussing the most secret confessions of newspaper readers

One of the most entertaining and talked-about sections of New York Times This is the advice column of philosopher Kwame Anthony Appiah. In his weekly column, The EthicistThe New York University professor answers readers' questions about life's most delicate situations and moral dilemmas: "After 35 years, do I still have to cook for my husband?", "An old friend of mine is dying. Serious problems, should she get a vasectomy?", "My children are grown now. Can I stop hiding what I think of their father?", "Should I tell my family that our beloved origin story is false?"

Appiah (London, 1954) has been writing this column since 2015. He addresses everyday problems from a non-dogmatic and anti-essentialist ethical perspective. He starts from what he calls practical cosmopolitanism, accepting that people sometimes don't share values, but that this doesn't exempt us from respect, dialogue, and mutual responsibility. He avoids strong judgments and categorical directives. He prefers to emphasize self-deception and try to downplay guilt, which is often the recurring background noise in the conflicts presented to him. It's common for readers' moral dilemmas to be more entertaining than the answers, which can be somewhat frustrating for those expecting a solution. But the most engaging aspect is the contributions from other readers in the comments section. They recount similar personal experiences, the decisions they made, and whether they were right or wrong. These contributions are reviewed, selected, and verified by the verification department of the New York Times And thus, they ensure that each dilemma sparks a debate that leads to even more curious stories and reflections on contemporary society.

In one of the recent columns, a reader explained that he had given his wife permission to be unfaithful, but now that her affair with her lover had ended, he wasn't sure whether or not he should comfort her. They had been married for many years, and he insisted that he still loved his wife deeply. When she explained her need to have an affair with a man she had met, the reader understood her reasons and agreed because she assured him that the relationship wouldn't pose any risk to their marriage. "Although I wish I could have handled a situation I rationally and ethically consider acceptable better, it conflicted with something deeper within me that I can't easily change," the reader admitted. Now that his wife had put an end to the affair, she was very sad, but he felt relieved. And that's why he asked Professor Appiah if he should console his wife in her grief. The philosopher, in kind words, reminded him that we can't have conscious control over our emotional responses. He valued the couple's ability to respect each other's decisions and offered a series of effective phrases for managing grief better. Finally, he suggested that they both consult a professional together to have a space to express themselves, heal their wounds, and maintain their connection. In the end, these consultations are like buying a piece of Ikea furniture that's missing a part. The instructions are insufficient to solve the problem, and you have to go back to the store and end up paying a professional to fix it. But the reader comments are priceless. In this particular case, there are more than three hundred. The reviews are much more incisive and ironic than the philosopher's balanced arguments. Moreover, before consulting a specialist, reading the messages can become a very effective and entertaining kind of group therapy.