Josep Ventura: Of every seven deaths, one grief is complicated

Perhaps if you are used to seeing death, you worry more about celebrating life. The first photo that Josep Ventura put on his WhatsApp is the one that has remained there: a lunch for his birthday with his family. He was born among coffins, because he comes from a lineage of undertakers that dates back to the 17th century, but he says he continues in the profession because he has inherited the vocation of helping others in the most delicate moments. He is the CEO of Àltima, one of the large Catalan companies in the sector.

It must be difficult to arrive home and say: "Today I had a good time at work". In your day-to-day life, it must be hard for you to laugh.

— But I try. In this life you have to put humor into things. And it is common for people to tell jokes during wakes: everything is part of life. Death is a taboo because we do not know how to talk about it, we look at it less and less and make the rituals more intimate, instead of more open.

Look, Raül Garrigasait wrote in País barroc that the funeral ritual gives us security, because it saves us from improvising and is a community act. I thought he was right.

— Rituals are a very powerful tool on a psychological level: they give you structure in a chaotic moment, help you open up about grief socially, and allow for the emotional expression of family and friends. All of these are therapeutic tools for grief. Our society sees it as a tradition, as a formality, and the funeral ritual is, above all, very useful.

Why?

— There are studies that say that for every seven deaths, there is one bereavement that becomes complicated. Not grieving well has psychological, health, and even workplace absenteeism consequences.

It still seems like not enough to me. What have you found that works well to overcome a recent death?

— Seeing the deceased can provide relief to families. We make a significant effort so that they are seen as if they were resting. The wake and the ceremony serve to share emotions and remember that person's life. And the history of humanity shows us that it is important to think carefully about the burial; it is what differentiates us as humans.

Today half opt for cremation. Why?

— Our society does not want to have ties to anything. We do not want either the obligation to pay for something, nor the feeling that we have to go to the cemetery. These are a set of changes: we are more individualistic, less religious, more hedonistic, and traditions are being lost.

And in the end what do we do with the ashes?

— Everything is respectable. There are families that keep them at home... But psychologists say that a house is a place for the living and not for the dead, and it does not help to close the grieving process. I think it is good to take them somewhere, even if you never go there; it is good to have a physical reference point.

They can be thrown into the sea but not buried in the home garden, right?

— They cannot be scattered just anywhere. At sea, there are specifically designated spots for this. They can also be deposited in nature, but in cemeteries and columbaria. Even if they are in a biodegradable urn, in the end, the ashes leave a carbon residue, and we must preserve natural spaces.

Your family has been dedicated to burying the dead for more than 300 years. Let's place ourselves in 1680. How were the dead buried?

— Families did an important part of the work, such as dressing the deceased and the wake, which was held at home. Since there were no places to refrigerate the deceased, the work was basically to bury them, usually in the parish cemetery, next to the church, after the ceremony. The funeral procession was carried out with horse-drawn carriages through the center of the town or city, so that everyone could see it. General cemeteries outside the cities began in the 19th century as a result of the plague.

Without a fridge, how long can a body last without decomposing?

— It depends. It is recommended that the burial takes place within 48 hours. The climate has meant that we, like Italy or Greece, have the tradition of holding very short vigils, if we compare it with Germany, the Nordic countries, or the United States, which can take a week or a fortnight to bury a deceased person. In fact, in the north, they could not dig the hole in the cemetery until spring. We want to do everything very quickly, we want to get it over with, and that does not help. I always remind families that it is not necessary to hold the vigil immediately; you can rest, notify everyone, and prepare the ceremony well.

We have delegated death to hospitals and nursing homes, and we have moved funeral homes and cemeteries outside of towns. Is it perhaps more aseptic but also less traumatic?

— Pain must be expressed. It is very important that a funeral be emotional. Many families see it as traumatic instead of emotional. I believe that the traumatic part is the circumstance of the death; what is important is what is done afterwards. Wanting to protect ourselves is a mistake. We are vulnerable. If you do not cry and do not express your feelings, you will carry it with you.

Which are the most used verses in the memorial cards?

— Miquel Martí i Pol, Joan Maragall, García Lorca, and there are people who want song lyrics. The Virolai and the Our Father are also common.

And the top 3 songs?

— The Ave Maria is last year's number one. El cant dels ocells, the second. And Un beso y una flor, by Nino Bravo, the third. And among the top ten are Mediterráneo, My way and the Salve Rociera.

Wow, what an eclecticism. Do you talk about funerals at home during family lunches?

— Yes. In fact, it is a conversation that I recommend having with your children and the people you love. How would you like your farewell to be? Important things must be discussed. I do not think it is anticipating death.

And can I ask you...

— I want to be buried. I see cremation as a very industrial process: an oven at over 800 degrees and in two hours you disappear. I would prefer a space where I could decompose naturally and leave a skeleton, a more natural process. I haven't thought about the epitaph, but it would be very simple. And since I am a believer, the Lord's Prayer on the memorial card.