"Knowing my biological mother's name has given me peace."

BarcelonaWith motherhood, Maia felt a "restlessness" about filling the biographical void that spans from conception to birth. Once in this world, her personal story was told by the family who, 46 years ago, came to the Sant Joan de Déu Hospital as a newborn and officially adopted her. From the very beginning, her adoptive mother explained to her—without prejudice—that another woman had taken him to her belly but for some reason he didn't keep her.

For Maya, being an adopted child was an absolutely "normalized" fact, to the point that her family had always told her they had her file for when she needed to know more. He didn't need it during childhood or adolescence.But when she held her daughter in her arms, breastfeeding her, cuddling her, she felt "curious" to find her biological mother. "Many bodily memories were awakened," she recalls. Shortly after, a health problem led her to dive into an inner search, into "self-knowledge and empowerment," and "accompanied by wonderful people"—professionals and her close circle—she felt ready to begin the search for her biological origins.

This is when you contact the Catalan Institute for Foster Care and Adoption (ICAA), which has a program to help trace the origins of children adopted abroad or in Catalonia, a right recognized by the Catalan Civil Code. Regarding adoption within the State, the full investigation can begin from the age of 18.

In the last two years, the ICAA has received 273 requests, 240 of them from domestic adoptees—like Maya—a dozen international adoptions, and another 11 requests for information from biological relatives. The processes are as heterogeneous as the motivations of those requesting them, ranging from genetic or medical history, especially in women who want to become mothers, to the need for information or to seek answers about why the mother gave them up for adoption, explains Carles Benet Domingo, head of the ICAA's adoptive family care unit. Hence the importance of "assessing the person's emotional maturity" and also of good "guidance and follow-up" by professionals who can control "the roller coaster of emotions" during the process.

Managing expectations

In this sense, one of the aspects that requires the most work is "expectation management," because some adoptees believe they will find a biological mother or family again, or that they will be able to reunite. However, this outcome is only possible in "10 to 20% of cases," clarifies Núria Cañas, head of legal procedures at the ICAA. Furthermore, one must also overcome the feeling of guilt for committing "disloyalty" to the adoptive family, says Maya, who hides her real name under that pseudonym to avoid exposing the parents.

For Benet, the fear of disappointing the family is "unfounded" because most parents support them. At this point, adoptees fear that the family will react with "distancing or present a conflict," which is why the first contact with the ICAA is often made "in secret" or after the parents' death. According to the technician, the other "often unconscious" fear is being abandoned again by the biological mother," that is, that she will reject the request.

In Maia's case, the process was very fast because her file contained a wealth of information, and the ICAA detectives were able to avoid many of the inquiries that are made to the census, medical services, or police to find an identity. At all times, the reference technicians informed her of the steps they would follow, what possibilities were open, and, in any case, they always left it up to her to decide whether to continue or stop.

The mother, located

Until the long-awaited call arrived, confirming that her biological mother had been located. At this point, the ICAA sends a letter informing them of the situation because, in reality, it always has the final say. There are also adoption meeting groups led by psychologists and other professionals who support the process and share concerns, news, and joys.

Finally, the woman asked not to be contacted, and the ICAA closed her file. At the beginning of the process, the adopted person agrees to respect the wishes of the biological mother. This is another of the most delicate moments of the process. [the biological mother] and having an image" that she has been able to search for on the internet has given her "peace," and she emphasizes that this result has met her expectations. "What I set out to do was to know my story," she reflects, and although she hasn't been able to tell her face to face, she says she feels "grateful" for this woman. She has been made to feel loved.

At this point, she also shows understanding for the woman's reaction, who after almost five decades, "has given up on bringing up things from the past." This woman has been informed that Maya knows her full name. "She's not an entity; she already has a name and a face that you can address, not directly, but directly, but directly, not directly, but directly, not directly, but directly.

Benedicto points out that the process is different for international adoptees, explaining that, often, since they have details about the orphanage and the city they come from, they start researching, even including trips to the country to reconnect with the landscape and people from their childhood.

Biological families who want to know what happened to the child they gave up for adoption have the option of contacting the ICAA to leave a letter or a phone number in case, one day, the adoptee feels the same need to know about them.