Motherhood, turning point of inequality
"You can't even imagine everything my son does, he's an excellent father", "You don't know to what extent my daughter abuses my poor son." These are phrases I hear every day and they reflect a widespread belief: that couple relationships today are already equitable. But what do the data say?
I will focus on data from the two investigations focusing on women's lives that I have led in Spain in 2016 and 2023 –Women, Today. How They Are, What They Think and How They Feel and Women and Men, Today. Equality or Inequality?–. In 2016, 70% of women living with a man were solely or almost solely responsible for household chores, caregiving, and the mental load. In 2023, this percentage has dropped to 62%. We have improved, but too slowly: at this rate, it would take at least two generations for unbalanced couples in the domestic sphere to cease being the norm. And there is a clear turning point: motherhood.
With the arrival of the first child, the number of women who bear the domestic gap, that is, the imbalance in the distribution of household chores, the mental load, and care for their partner, skyrockets to 73%, compared to 54% among those without children.
The detail is even more revealing: being a "taxi driver" is practically the only activity that fathers do more than mothers (63%). In the rest, the mother assumes more responsibilities, especially in organizing the children's lives and buying what they need (they, 69%).
The conclusion is clear: despite progress, there is still a long way to go, and motherhood continues to be a key factor of inequality. That's why it should concern us. Because, in Spain, almost 6 million women, mostly mothers, carry this "concrete slab", the metaphor with which I coined the term "domestic gap" five years ago. This has consequences for families and for society as a whole: more anxiety and insomnia among women, more divorces, fewer children than we would like, regretful mothers, and a loss of economic independence for many women, which often leads to impoverishment.
What do I propose? To accept an uncomfortable reality: no matter how egalitarian laws are and how much companies have equality plans, if there is no equality at home, it is utopian to talk about equality of opportunity. And it's not just a matter of justice: equitable couples are also happier.
More and more women are seeking to understand this burden and find a solution. Understanding these mechanisms, having resources to identify them, and finding a way to explain it to their partner to find a way to resolve it together is a first step towards more equitable relationships. Because what is at stake is not just how we divide tasks. It's the kind of life, and opportunities, we are building.