Another day in Washington

–Do you have any messages to send, Mr. President?

–How did you know?

–Because it’s five in the morning.

–How are the negotiations with the EU going?

–Slow. You know how those bureaucrats are.

–If they think we'll negotiate at their pace, they're all set.

–Between your hands, sir.

–Well, look, your European friends just won a surprise 50% tariff in the raffle. With Trump, it's always a winner.

–Perhaps the stock markets will fall again, now that they have recovered.

–Better. Fuck them and let them spend the whole weekend in the corner thinking. You'll see how the reception they give me in Brussels next time I go will have more horses than the one in Saudi Arabia. Don't you have to tell me more?

–Yes, Harvard's ban on enrolling foreign students is making headlines around the world.

"These brainy gentlemen thought that since they had money, they could do without my nine billion for the search and defy my orders. I want them coming into the Oval Office on their knees to ask me to lift the ban on outside students. And a doctorate." honoris causa.

–I’ll take care of it personally.

"I see you're not congratulating me. I hold huge audiences with that poor South African guy, and by the way, I must have scared the hell out of all the presidents just thinking about them having to come to my office. And in less than 24 hours, I'm hitting Harvard and the European Union in the face. I don't know why I pay for a press office if I'm the king of news. Where's my cell phone?"