I will never kiss my children on the mouth

BarcelonaBefore becoming the father of my first child, I had a number of issues related to fatherhood that, whether due to prejudice or lack of information, I was very clear that I would not allow. No cell phones or tablets (especially when we go to restaurants), I would wear earrings, the animals would be called by their name (nothing wow neither miaves) either I wouldn't kiss them on the mouth. And this is the last point I want to talk about here.

Every time I saw a father or mother kissing their children on the mouth, I assured myself that I would never do this. And it was an issue that I had discussed with my partner, that we had talked about it, and she also thought the same. In fact, when some of my friends did it with their children, I asked them why they did it and it always generated a great debate with quite opposing positions. My position was very clear, firm and immovable: absolutely against it, if I ever become a parent I will allow it.

I know that for many people it is a sign of affection like any other, like a kiss on the cheek or a hug, but it is a gesture that I do not like, that makes me uncomfortable. And I do not say this for sexual or hygienic reasons, it simply makes me uneasy. Well, now it will be about a couple of months that my son, after putting him to bed, reading him a story and giving him a kiss on the cheek goodnight, asked me, laughing: "Dad, now I also want to give you a kiss on the mouth goodnight." And he jumped on me to do it.

It took me by surprise, without time to react. I was a little taken aback, but I did not give it much importance. But the next day it was repeated. And since that first day, when I put him to sleep, he continues asking me. Only to me, not to his mother, and only when we go to sleep, the rest of the day he always kisses her on the cheek and he has never wanted to give it on the mouth.

Like a game

After talking to my partner, we decided to ask him the reason for wanting to kiss me on the mouth.

• "Why do you want to kiss your dad on the mouth before going to bed?"
• "I don't know. Because yes. Because you do it too."
• "But you know that kissing on the mouth is not supposed to be done, right? That it is not supposed to be done to you and that you should not do it to anyone else?"
• "No, I don't do anyone else."
• "But do you know that kisses on the mouth should only be done if you want to and the other person wants to?"
• "I do want it! And you want it?"

That he doesn't give it any importance reassures me, he sees it as something natural at home and quite a bit, like a kind of game. But I can't get it out of my head and I send an audio note to my group of friends asking if they kiss each other on the mouth with their children. I want to find complicity. They all say no. Some because they don't like it, others to avoid normalizing it and some also tell me that it's to prevent possible child sexual abuse. Now, most of them also admit that their sons and daughters, at certain times, are kissed on the mouth, which they also ask for because they see it at home.

I'm not alone, I see that the issue is quite widespread. Now, and after talking to my son and doing a small field study, it reassures me to know that for him kissing me on the mouth is more of a game than anything else, and that makes me not stop, although it still generates a point of discomfort for me that I can't decipher. I hope it's just a passing thing and that it happens soon because I don't want that kissing on the mouth thing to join the list of things I said I would never do when I became a permanent father.