The Catalan mercenary who commands respect in Ukraine: "I was trained to kill."

BarcelonaJoan Estévez (Vilac, 1986) has watched more than twenty times Save Private Ryan. The last time, last week. He says it's the only war film that manages to even minimally capture what he experienced in the trenches of Ukraine, the real war. He's a mercenary. And he claims to be one, because he considers it a job like any other. For almost two years, he's fought on the front lines at various points along the Ukrainian fronts to defend Kiev from the Russian invasion. His previous experience in elite units of the Spanish army and the French Foreign Legion has earned him the respect of Volodymyr Zelensky's troops.

Now, he portrays his story in a powerful documentary on Movistar Plus+, Mercenary. In the trenches of the 21st century, that premieres this Thursday.

He left for Ukraine without a return ticket.

— Why did I have to buy a return ticket? I knew where I was going: Ukraine was a major war. I was prepared to accept the consequences of the work I was about to do. And, of course, I knew I could die at any moment.

What do you think about death now?

— Death? It's over. I've already faced it. I'm more than ready to die. I could even tell you that I've already been dead, that I've missed it by a mile, that I've more than overcome it. I've had many moments when I thought, "This is it, it's here, this is when I die." But thank God, someone gave me a wild card, and I'm here, alive. So, the day it comes will be easier. On that day, death will come to me, and I won't worry about it.

In the documentary, he is seen sending a message to his son and his father because he thinks they are about to kill him.

— Yes, it was one of those moments I was telling you about, when I understood that my time had come. In that case, the Russian soldiers had surrounded us and were assaulting our position. They outnumbered us three times: there were eight of us defending ourselves and they were about thirty. We had no escape route, and our ammunition was limited. But look, we got out.

As?

— Above all, by controlling fear. Not letting panic and nerves take over. The key was that we maximized the ammunition we had, and we didn't start firing everywhere. We only did so if we knew for sure we were firing at the enemy with a chance of neutralizing them. This allowed us to resist and recover.

He talks about the war as a job. In Ukraine, he says he went to work.

— Being a mercenary is a job like any other, like being an electrician. An electrician is someone who has been trained, for example, to install electrical equipment. A mercenary is someone who has received training and is certified to wage war, serving a client. One of the aims of this documentary is to explain that not everyone can be a mercenary. A mercenary isn't someone who picks up a gun and goes to war. A mercenary is someone who already has a profession, which is to be a soldier. And at a certain point, they stop serving their country and go to do it for money elsewhere.

What should a good mercenary have?

— Aside from military training, the ability and courage to put it into practice in a context as difficult as war.

For example, it must be able to kill.

— Yes. Honestly, for me this isn't the hardest part. I was trained to kill. And it would be hypocritical if I told you now that killing someone has been a hassle, a hassle. What has really hurt me has been seeing so many of my comrades fall. Having someone die in your arms is excruciating. Not a day goes by when I don't think about them. This is a burden I'll carry for the rest of my life.

Were you thinking about the Russian soldiers on the other side of the front?

— Of course. And I've even thought we could have become friends. I'm sure we would have sat at the same table with many of them for a beer and ended up becoming friends. I have respect for the enemy. In the French Foreign Legion, I was taught that the enemy must always be respected, especially when the enemy is defeated. I've never fired an extra shot at an already defeated enemy.

He insists that what he has seen on the Ukrainian front is worse than what is seen in any war movie.

— What happens in the trenches of Ukraine is known only to those of us who have fought there. There are many things we keep to ourselves and will never explain to anyone. Reality always surpasses fiction. But although it may seem paradoxical, the war has made me more human. It has made me more empathetic, it has made me better. Now I am more sensitive to the problems of others.

At one point in the documentary, he is seen looking Peaky Blinders from the trenches. War is also this.

— Yes, in war there are many hours when you wait and wait, and you even get bored. Or there are many hours when all you can do is hide underground and pray to God that none of the bombs being dropped on you fall on you. In those moments, I sought escape so as not to go crazy with the sound of the bombs. And one way was by watching Netflix series, like Peaky Blinders, with my headphones on full volume. I would download them beforehand, before being deployed to positions, because we don't have internet access up there at the front.

Did you have other ways of escaping?

— Yes, listening to music that reminded me and took me home. I especially listened to a group called Bramatopin, who sing Aranese folk. I could tell you a few of their songs that saved my life. With this music, I was able to close my eyes, silence the bombs, and imagine I was home, in the mountains, and not in that mud-filled hole.

He says that in Ukraine he has proven himself adept at fighting.

— Professionally, Ukraine has helped me greatly improve my resume. As a combatant and soldier, I've grown a lot and felt very respected. In fact, as a result of my experience on the Ukrainian fronts, I've received numerous job offers.

What's the strangest work call you've ever received?

— I can't talk about it.

In fact, you're now training mercenaries. Some are sent to Ukraine.

— I'm an instructor, yes. With the company GOA Tactical, we train people who want to go fight on the Ukrainian fronts. We have training camps in an area between Lérida and Aragón. I try to use my experience in combat zones, especially in Ukraine, to prepare them for what they're going to encounter. The worst part, obviously, is when they notify you that students you trained have died on the battlefield. It hurts a lot.

Now you have students fighting in Ukraine?

— Not right now. But we're finalizing a project with the Ukrainian government to send more students. I can't give you any more details.

How do you see the future?

— I have to decide. Right now, I'm torn between two very different paths, which can't go together: one is to stay here and return to civilian life; the other is to continue my career as a mercenary and leave again. If I choose that second path, I know I'm facing a solitary life. It's a very difficult life to reconcile with your family.