Parents of 21 children (two biological)

BasketIt all started when Àngels heard on a Catalunya Ràdio programme the testimony of a woman who had been a foster family on several occasions and spoke with enthusiasm. She asked her husband, Agustín, if he would be interested in them becoming a foster family too and he immediately agreed. At that time they had two biological children, Marc and Maria, aged six and nine respectively, and there was quickly a family consensus. "They didn't know what it was, we told them they would come for a while. For them it was like a game," recalls Àngels. They did the paperwork and shortly after Yasmina arrived, the first of the nineteen children they have taken in for almost thirty years.

There are various types of foster care, and the one chosen by Àngels and Agustí was the urgent and diagnostic type, which is done while the child's situation and the evolution of the biological family are being assessed. They are usually babies or children under six years of age and their duration is usually about six months, although they had a foster care of three years - the shortest was twelve days. "We have never done any long-term foster care, here they have always been one-off. This has been very clear to me from the very beginning," says Àngels.

"A lot of bonding is created with the child and, if a bond has to be created, it is better to do it with a foster family that can last until they are of age, which is different then, or a permanent foster care. But our foster care has always been an intermediate step, while a permanent family is being sought," she adds.

Idyllic setting

The family is welcoming, as is the house and the surroundings in which they live. It is a country house, with land, with some attractions for children and animals: dogs, a pony – Prisca; they used to have two –, some lambs, a chicken coop, and no busy roads nearby. "The place is very attractive for children, the children have a great time here. There is livestock, there is no risk of cars and we have a very active group of friends," explains Agustí. "Many years ago there was no school canteen and one day a week everyone came to eat here, another day to another family's house, and so on all week," recalls Àngels.

In thirty years, they have obviously gone through various situations, but their balance is very positive, especially with regard to the relationship with the children and with the families, biological or those they have ended up adopting, with some exceptions. Of the nineteen boys and girls taken in over the last three decades, they maintain contact with sixteen. "Of course, in a certain way we feel like parents to them. I remember that one girl we had, arguing with another girl at school, ended up telling her that she had two mothers," says Àngels. "When they leave the centre [where the children end up with the biological parents from whom they have removed guardianship] their faces change. You play the role of dad and mom. And they tell you, eh! "Now we will go to Tarragona for the communion of one of the children taken in," adds Agustí.

Things to improve

Both Àngels and Agustí believe that the administration could do more to encourage more families to become foster families and treat those who already are better. "The administration could do many things that would mean nothing to them: discounts on water and electricity because you have one or two more people at home, or give the large family card permanently if you are continuously fostering, as has been the case for almost 30 years" says Àngels.

They also believe, and this is not just a reproach for the administration because they are also included, that in this process, until now, the multiple foster siblings, that is, the biological children of the foster family, have never been taken into account. "We take courses and we were going to explain our experiences to other parents who wanted to be foster parents. You get into a state of inertia, you already know what it's about and you think that everyone should understand it, and the kids [her children] don't have to. You understand that they are hurt by something that no one has thought about," she admits.

"They prepare us for their arrival, they monitor everything, the grief we go through when they leave, but they have never taken our biological children into account. They don't take into account the siblings who are multi-fosters. We hadn't thought about it until our children told us," adds Àngels.

They have not been fostering for about two years and the family believes that the end was abrupt due to the way the entity that acts as intermediary between the Generalitat and the families used. "It was very ugly and I am very hurt," says Àngels. "When we went to the entity they told us to think about it, and I told them: 'You have made it very difficult for us.' I told them that they could have put it to us in the sense that there were new families, which we had done up to this point, and I think that would have been one way." "Putting the weight of the decision on us was not necessary," adds Agustí.

Book of experience

From the experiences they lived in these years, a family friend and nursery school teacher, Mayte Mondéjar, wrote a book, My house is your house, with each and every one of the foster homes, with the testimonies of the children, many of them now adults, and of the biological and adoptive families. "Àngels and Agustí are very simple. They have this attitude of respecting everything and everyone, and of not blaming anyone for anything. They are genuine people and it is very rare to find people like that."

The book was financed through a Verkami account that was quickly filled, "and I closed it as soon as it was filled because the goal was not to make money but to finance a book that would tell this story," he adds. Just over two hundred copies were published. "For me, those people who don't do anything and don't publish it on the networks looking for likes, but that acts, is what is really worth it," concludes Mondéjar.