My child needs to touch my breast to fall asleep. What should I do?

GironaIt's time to go to bed, and even though the baby hasn't been breastfeeding for months, or perhaps years, he still has a special fondness for her. He comes closer, needs to put his hand on her to hear her touch, to feel his mother's breasts with a hug... Something awakens inside him when he comes closer. It's a vivid memory of the breastfeeding he did. In broad daylight, even seeing his mother's breasts, a gesture of admiration may spontaneously emerge: "Mom, those tits!" This adoration is nothing other than love for his mother. As simple and as grand as that. This is explained by Imma Marcos, midwife and president of the Association of Home Birth Midwives of Catalonia (ALPACC). A common need in childhood that often conditions the baby's ability to fall asleep. On the other hand, the mother may not want to be touched and wants to regain her personal space.

What does breastfeeding give?

"Not just breast milk," Marcos assures. "Breastfeeding is also an emotional and spiritual nourishment for the baby. That's why it means so much to them," he emphasizes. Thus, it's "very normal" that when the baby is no longer breastfed, the baby continues to have "that obsession and desire" to get closer. "It will take a while. Not forever," he affirms. We must keep in mind that "before a year and a half, the baby perceives itself, in fact, as an extension of the mother's body." Psychotherapist and writer Laura Gutman already said this in her book Postpartum: The postpartum period is a period lasting between two and three years, in which our emotional field is shared and fused with the baby's emotional field.

Discard without guilt

Could the cause be poor weaning?

One weaning Abruptly weaning can cause problems such as feeling "rejected" but it would not explain why he had this behavior of remaining attached to the mother's breasts. In any case, according to Marcos, weaning should always be done "little by little" and "carefully." The guideline to follow is to try to get ahead by avoiding situations that the child asks for, but, at the same time, not deny him when he demands it. This expert specifies that it will be "more difficult and complicated" if it is carried out at the age of two because it is the time of tantrums, of No and self-affirmation. "They may feel like you're denying them a mother's love. This can make them more anxious and crave even more breast milk," she points out.

Should we allow him to touch our breasts?

Marcos believes that "every child is unique," but "skin is important; it happens to adults too," he points out. "Human contact is a necessity, like breathing or eating. Feeling close to another person, sensing them close... When we're little, there's a lot of need. When we're older, we forget," he laments. When you breastfeed, this is covered, and when it's not, children seek that contact. If the mother doesn't want to, a pact can always be made. "We can tell the child that it hurts or bothers us. Let them touch higher up, we have the heart." From two and a half years onwards, when the other parent becomes more present in their world, the child can be told to choose: for example, a nice story told by their partner or contact with their mother. "Don't force it, and make this change little by little," explains Marcos, who has been a midwife for almost 30 years.

Older children sleep alone (or with someone else)

Is it good to use a transition object?

A transitional object to prevent the baby from touching or getting close to the breast, such as a necklace or a stuffed animal that resembles a breast, can be a solution. Marcos, however, isn't a big fan of it: "The object can end up filling a need, such as the need to be with the mother. What the baby really wants and needs is contact, and she doesn't want to lose it. Breastfeeding and then giving it up is going from everything to nothing. Any young child needs close, human contact to sleep." Not being able to sleep when you are alone is not a disorder.", he concludes.

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