How books create bonds
BarcelonaI met Alba when she started dating one of my best friends. Since he was older, I thought that the age difference would end up penalizing them and they wouldn't last long, but luckily, that wasn't the case and, over time, the two of us have also become friends. The other day we met for lunch and, as a surprise, she gave me a book. "I've been reading it these days and I kept thinking that I thought you would like it, so I bought it for you," she told me. I was touched. The fact that she had me in mind and that she had dedicated part of her day to going to the bookstore to find me a book that she thought would make me happy, indeed, made me very happy.
Various studies in the field of psychology, anthropology and sociology show that the exchange of gifts is a fundamental component of human relationships. Beyond material value, giving acts as a symbolic act that strengthens bonds through reciprocity and social exchange. That's why we get so excited about receiving something that someone has chosen with us in mind.
Neuroscience confirms it: giving (and receiving) gifts activates reward pathways similar to those activated by receiving a prize or having a positive experience, which can release dopamine, linked to pleasure and motivation, and oxytocin, also called the "cuddle hormone" because of its role. Emiliana Simon-Thomas, scientific director of the Greater Good Science Center at the University of California, explains that the social dimension of giving is key to understanding why it makes us feel good: thinking about the other person's tastes and imagining their positive reaction activates this reward circuit even before the other person has opened the package. This feeling has been described as the "warmth of giving" and it persists longer than a simple momentary euphoria, thanks to the fact that oxytocin promotes stronger and more lasting bonds.
Increase optimism and reduce stress
The gratitude that is generated by receiving a gift, in turn, enhances trust, reciprocal altruism and the creation of stronger bonds. According to various studies, feeling grateful helps us increase optimism, reduce stress and cooperate more and better. All of this can translate into improved coordination and cognitive performance when we have to work as a team.
The book that Alba gave me, by the way, is the volume that collects the three autobiographical books of Deborah Levy published by Angle Editorial (translated by Marina Espasa): Things I don't want to know, The cost of living and Real propertiesI'm liking it so much that I can't stop highlighting it: "Even if I thought I wasn't thinking about the past, the past was thinking about me"; "What do we do with the knowledge we can't bear to live without? What do we do with the things we don't want to know?"; "How we laugh at our own desires. How we make fun of ourselves. Before anyone else does. How we are programmed to kill. To kill ourselves. Thinking about it is unbearable." It's a well of lucidity, like Alba. Thank you for thinking so highly of me, friend, wise and generous.