Tired of tying them up: "They don't want you to find the love of your life."

Barcelona"I finally unsubscribed. I was tired of spending hours looking at profiles of unknown guys, making movies, imagining that everything would turn out well and in reality it never ended well." I don't meet many new guys, but I'm grateful for it, it's better. The apps gave me anxiety and in the end I found it very difficult to manage the frustration every time things didn't go well," she admits.

What happened to Anna is known as a dating app burnout, which in Catalan would be exhaustion due to these dating apps, and, according to a survey conducted by the magazine Forbes, 80% of millennials and 79% of Gen Z suffer from it. Older generations – also users of these apps but in smaller numbers – are also not immune to this exhaustion, with 70% of boomers that use these resourcesThey admit to suffering from it, as do 78% of members of Generation X.

But where does this fatigue come from? Dolors Líria, psychologist and vice-dean of the Official College of Psychology of Catalonia, says that "in the case of dating apps, meeting new people involves an effort that doesn't have to be made in personal relationships." This expert emphasizes that you have to do a lot of work to get the other person to notice you, to stand out among all the profiles, but at the same time you also have to work to distinguish well between so many options. "This can generate expectations that are not adjusted to reality and managing it is difficult, it is very tiring," she warns. According to this expert, dating apps also allow you to live many more experiences than those that would arise naturally and the pace can become too intense. "I have patients who have two or three dates every week. This is not sustainable because it generates great exhaustion and sometimes it can even lead to addictive behavior," she comments.

The reasons for discontent

Forbes asked the users of the apps the reasons for the burnout and the main reasons they gave were the inability to establish a good connection, followed by disappointments upon meeting the person, feeling rejected, having repetitive conversations while chatting with different people at the same time, and spending too much time on the apps. Maria, 34, explains that her case fits the latter option: what happened to her was, precisely, that she spent too much time and ended up hooked. "In the end, I was tired. I even heard that I couldn't stop looking at profiles, swiping and discarding, because I always had the feeling that the best was yet to come, that I hadn't seen him yet, and that hooks you. But in the end, I realized that I was wasting my time because deep down, what hooks you is the hope that maybe what hooks you is the hope that the right one, the person for you. But when you realize that you've been like this for hours, you say: "But what am I doing?"

In the survey of Forbes It is clear that the average number of minutes spent by users on these apps is 51 minutes – although women spend a little more (52 min) and men less (49 min). According to Dr. Rufus Tony Spann, a member of the health advisory board of Forbes And sex therapist, the people who spend the most time on these platforms are those who are addicted to endlessly looking at profiles, those who are looking for a social or emotional escape from everyday problems, and those who want a boost of self-esteem.

A widespread problem

For his part, psychologist and sex therapist Ignasi Puig explains that he often meets with people who suffer from burnout Because of dating apps. "This is due to the very way these apps work," he says, comparing it to Netflix. "The people at Netflix don't want you to enjoy a good series; they want you to watch their content as long as possible because that's how they make money. The same thing happens with dating apps. They don't want you to find the love of your life; they want you to spend as much time as possible hooked," he emphasizes. According to this specialist, the exhaustion that many people feel is "because they end up hooked on the illusion of finding what they're looking for and they don't find it," but the reality, she warns, is quite different: "They spend many hours connected and in the end they feel guilty for dedicating so much time to it, but they can't stop, they lose control, and that generates frustration. Frustration is generated.

Dolors Líria says that what tires users of these applications the most are basically four things: "They are very tired of the lies because here everyone wants to show their best version and between the best version and fiction there is a very fine line that can lead to disappointment and a lot of exhaustion," she warns. Secondly, it is very tiring "to have to measure up and meet the expectations of the other person" as well as "feeling rejected," which, according to the expert, "is one of the most difficult feelings to manage." Finally, the fourth behavior that generates a lot of fatigue is discovering "that there are not infinite options, although at first it seems that way, and this can generate a lot of frustration."

The expert also says that as a result of this fatigue that is already affecting many people, the use of these applications is starting to decline, although she doesn't believe they will disappear, far from it. "Not everything is bad; they also have good aspects, and many people have met through these platforms and are doing well; we can't demonize it," she says. But she clarifies that, as with all new developments, "at first there was a huge boom, and now things are being repositioned; we see not only the good but also the bad, and young people have begun to realize that they must learn to manage relationships in real life, not just virtual ones."