When should children choose what clothes to wear?

GironaPerhaps they've worn a pair of socks of each color or summer flip-flops in the middle of winter... This is what can happen if children have absolute freedom when it comes to choosing their clothes. A freedom that will undoubtedly help them "enhance" and "develop" their autonomy (and also their self-esteem). This is according to Mònica González, a social psychologist. However, without a "clear limit," adds this expert, on the type of clothing they can choose, for example, or to what extent there can be negotiation, setbacks like these will arise. "Although the quick and easy solution would be for me—the parent—to choose the clothes and, thus, adapt the clothing to the temperature and colors, we must consider the consequences. Educating children in autonomy involves having to negotiate and accept that children make decisions and mistakes," she clarifies. The final result will take more time, but we will foster an autonomy that will serve both for clothing and any other aspect of daily life.

Where do we start?

Promoting the capacity for autonomy is a learning process. "It allows children to be capable of making decisions. To do this, we must start with the small things. If we don't have this space, it's difficult for this learning to occur. They will also see their parents' decisions as arbitrary," remarks González, a professor in the Department of Psychology at the University of Girona (UdG) and a researcher at the Institut de Rec. Managing their demands, which often begin to appear between the ages of two and three, is the first step in this need, which is part of a more general process of achieving and affirming their autonomy.

When is the best time to do it?

In the morning it is often difficult to let them choose because they end up taking all the clothes out of the wardrobe, there is no way to understand each other and, for dessert, they are late for school... "Furthermore, it is common to respond to what we say when we are tired or in a hurry: "No, because I said so and" I am "no", if not "expert. One solution is to choose the clothes the day before at night. And if the next day the child changes their mind, it is addressed. "Educating in democracy means this: learning that there are rules of the game and that they must be followed."

What limits do we set?

Weather conditions dictate, as do certain social norms. Some clothes are more appropriate for one place than others. All of this must be agreed upon beforehand. And the child must understand this. Both at home and in the store, the child's criteria must be taken into account when deciding, but always under adult supervision. A prior choice can also be made, with the child ultimately deciding on one item or another. "On certain occasions, there will be no room for negotiation when choosing clothes," admits González. This margin will be wider depending on the child's age: "When they grow up, you'll buy them clothes, and they won't wear them anymore. And you'll have to accept that," she points out. Regarding the child's refusal to bundle up, González explains that children have a "faster" metabolism than adults and don't normally feel the cold as much as we do. Self-awareness requires recognizing when they are cold or hot.

What should clothing be like?

The clothes in your wardrobe should be within reach and at your child's height. To promote independence, clothes should be functional and comfortable. That is, they should be adapted to their motor and developmental characteristics, such as wide collars for easy entry, shoes with Velcro or elastic bands, and pants without buttons, among others. "If we believe they should dress themselves, we can't have shoes with laces. They may not be ready to tie them, and we create a contradiction," this social psychologist specifies.

For them, these types of decision-making processes are a way of asserting themselves. "Being able to express their opinions is important, and these actions are a form of self-advocacy," González asserts. "There are children who, once they've achieved this, lose interest in making decisions because clothing was, in fact, the least of their concerns. They simply wanted to feel heard and taken into account."