Elena Crespi: "There's a lot of talk about sex, but it's done on the surface."

BarcelonaWe still find it uncomfortable to talk about sex with our children because in my generation we were raised in taboo and silence. We are mothers, fathers, charas—a term used to describe non-binary people who have children—born before or during the transition, and our backpacks are filled with the Christian morality that nurtured sexuality in those times.

And how can you overcome that discomfort?

— First, we must accept that we have it, and then, despite the discomfort, continue learning and talking about sexuality, going to a depth we haven't reached yet. There's a lot of talk about sex these days, but it's done superficially and quantitatively, as if sexuality only had to do with how many times I've had sex, with how many people, and how many new things we've done. And sexuality goes far beyond all of this. We must find the balance between naturalizing sexuality enough to talk about it and preserving each person's individual privacy.

But are you embarrassed to talk about sexuality in detail?

— I think it happens to all of us. Even those of us who work in sex education. I take a moment and think, "What would Crespi do?" And then I try to apply the recommendations I've given so many times to others. When they ask you, it's a fantastic moment to take advantage of and give a little extra information. the conversation They will want to flee.

Can you tell me about a specific situation?

— One day, Lucas asked me if I would show him what a condom looks like. Like any mother, my first thought was, "Wow, is it a good idea to show him what it looks like?" "Do some women cut off their clitorises?"

This, why?

— This is one of those difficult questions to answer because you have to explain that there are people who want to do things and do things that aren't done right, that hurt people's bodies, and that's not right. At the same time, you can take advantage of this opportunity to talk about limits, consensus, and what a person can and can't do. It's a time to prevent sexual abuse, for example.

What does being a mother mean to you right now?

— Right now, it means enjoying ourselves, because they're at an age where we can have wonderful conversations. It also means sharing activities we enjoy, like watching TV shows and movies. Being a mother also means being overwhelmed by time and the daily grind because school and work schedules are a very complicated puzzle. But we almost always share every meal together, and this is a great luxury. And, I won't lie to you, being a mother also means getting angry and, at times, despairing.

Does being a psychologist help you be a mother?

— Listening to so many stories has helped me put things into perspective, become calmer, and seek resources when I need them. I try not to worry too much and be fairly resourceful in the situations we encounter. I think I'm always evolving because there are many situations I haven't experienced yet and I don't know how I'll resolve. I can't help but think that some hectic years are ahead—the years of adolescence—and I hope that at home you've learned to handle this stage of your life in the best possible way.

As you say, the key word is calm.

— I try to be flexible and adapt to changes. Another tool that psychology has given me is understanding that reality is complex, that the things that happen to us are multifactorial, and that nothing is resolved overnight. Now, if we focus on what influences everything that happens to us, we can actually solve problems.