Mireia Giró: "Some men look for a mother figure in their partner"

BarcelonaSometimes we don't want to love or take responsibility for what it entails; we just want to be loved, no matter how or by whom. It's absurd and immature, but that's how it is. The goal seems to be not just being loved, but rather establishing mature and healthy relationships with others, thinking about what we contribute, and not demanding that those who care about us fill the voids of our own deficiencies. I learned all this in therapy, what do you think? It hasn't gone as badly for me as it did for Sara Bosom, has it?

The book is full of phrases like "he doesn't see himself being a father because he has always preferred his girlfriends to be his mother."

— Some men seek a mother figure in their partner, a continuation of their adolescent life into adulthood. Studies suggest that single men experience more depression than single women because they form less of a community and need someone to organize their lives. Of course, many men don't share this view.

"When a man says negative things about himself, supposedly jokingly, they are usually true."

— If you review the history you have had with someone who has not treated you well, you will realize that there is always a moment when, jokingly, they have told you the truth, but you have overlooked it because you thought that the cruelty that person told you could not be true.

Yours is a single-parent family.

— The number of single mothers by choice has increased due to social factors. It can be tough, but throughout history, most mothers have been single without the support of a partner. You have to be someone who doesn't need to sleep eight hours a day, or seven, or six, since you have half the time to manage everything compared to a two-parent family.

In single-parent families, is there a special bond between mother and child?

— In my case, there's a really strong bond, but I'm sure there are single-parent families out there that are constantly at each other's throats. Single mothers and single fathers aren't exactly paragons of virtue. Now, when you have a single-parent family, you have to be aware that you're breaking down the traditional family structure and that, therefore, whether you like it or not, your very existence is a political statement.

TRUE.

— Furthermore, it's essential to have a support network and resources, because single-parent families aren't treated the same as large families and don't enjoy their advantages; being a single parent penalizes us on our tax returns, and we don't have access to university scholarships or social assistance programs regardless of income. It's crucial to fight against this discrimination against our children, especially since 80% of single-parent families are single-mother families And when the head of the household is a woman, statistically there is a greater risk of poverty and social exclusion.

In what aspects do you do well?

— In giving my son the tools to have self-esteem, set boundaries, and enjoy the playful side of life.

And what about others, not so much?

— Perhaps I've given my son so many tools for setting boundaries that he now has too many, and it complicates my life when he doesn't want to do something or thinks I'm being unfair. I've also learned that sometimes, even though children try to see how far they can go, they need you to be sure of what you want, to be a firm and loving guide. There's no need to get caught up in debates as if we were at a G5 summit, asking a small child for logic, self-awareness, and self-regulation that they aren't meant to have. Going to bed early is also difficult because we're night owls and always have something amazing and urgent to do before the day is over.

Children are chaos-creating machines. How do you experience it?

— As we say in theAPM? "It's much better to take it with a grain of salt." It's far better to approach things with humor than to get angry and desperate. I proved it the other day when my son was angry with me, and I kissed him on the neck, called him affectionate nicknames, and acted silly. He laughed and got over his bad mood. But, of course, there are days when you just can't take it anymore, but there's nothing wrong with letting out a desperate scream. Children also need to learn that a mother isn't someone who can put up with everything.

A phrase to hang on the fridge.

— My motto is "I'll do better tomorrow."