Ester Invernon: "Overprotection will end up being considered a form of abuse."
Writer and mother of Max and Roc, ages 19 and 15. Author of a trilogy consisting of "A Summer to Love," "And Life Is About That," and "Inside Your Memory" (all three in La Campana). The protagonist is Marina, a woman in her later years who must face upsetting family upheavals while struggling to heal wounds and find herself. The three novels are set in the village of Albons, Baix Empordà, in a farmhouse where the entire family gathers every summer.
BarcelonaMarina believes that you can't love one child more than another, but that you relate to them in very different ways, because they are different people. She also believes that a mother can't save her children; that she must observe them and accompany them if they ask, without judging them. She's also convinced that, for her children, she would be capable of anything: killing, stealing, prostituting herself, and dying. She's a woman who, like me, when she became a mother, let her beast out; her mammalian nature flowed more than her human nature. She let herself be guided by what she felt she had to do rather than by how she should do it or what she was told to do.
In all three books he analyzes the relationships between parents and children.
— I think we come into life to follow a path, a learning process, and I also believe our soul chooses the perfect parents to achieve it. Therefore, what I write is about suffering and learning, suffering and healing, and, ultimately, ending up grateful and blessing this pain. Life is about learning and enjoying, and children are the best teachers we find along the way. I have been able to observe so many ways of doing things in them, and they have helped me redirect my way of doing and thinking.
A young child is always inspiring. I don't know if it also inspires a teenager.
— With the arrival of adolescence, there have been specific situations in which I've seen the stability of my relationship with my children shaken, which have made me question some parenting principles. Some decisions that weren't made.
Which ones, specifically?
— Not setting too many limits, and not saying no more often. I'm convinced that overprotection will eventually be considered a form of abuse, because when we overprotect, we're sending the message, "You're not good enough to do this, you can't do it alone." We don't teach them how to feel frustrated, and that, combined with the immediacy of social media and other digital tools, means they feel very lost when faced with certain difficulties, for example, with their first romantic disappointments or conflicts with friends.
You're a veteran mother. What would you say to a new mother?
— I would tell her to do what she feels, that everything she does will be right. That all choices are good, if they're heard. I would tell her not to listen too much to others. Since having children is something most of us do, everyone is willing to give advice. Mothers are more vulnerable when we've just given birth, when we can't sleep well, when we don't know what to do, when everything makes us suffer. And all this happens with the first child. Often, advice hurts more than it does good. We should trust the mammal that we are, let ourselves be guided by our intuition.
Now your children are already wondering what their professional future will be. How can you help them?
— The eldest had a clear calling to be an architect, but in his second year of high school, he decided he wanted to study film, that he wanted to be a director. He had no doubts; we supported him, and he's studying this. The youngest is more lost because he suspects he won't be able to make a living pursuing his passion, which is music. I don't agree, nor does his father, and we try to suggest options for him to pursue music professionally.
It's hard to choose what you want to be in life.
— When they were little, I used to tell them, "Work is like recess." I worked in the textile industry until 2022, and they've experienced my decision to leave a job I'd loved so much, and they've also experienced the grief of leaving with me, and all the sacrifices it entailed. But I decided to do it because it no longer made me happy. I've always told them that everything should be born from love, that when it comes to deciding what they want to do, the least of their worries should be career prospects. The seed of passion is always the most fertile.
What a great truth: the seed of passion is the most fertile!
— I tell them not to be influenced by others, by opinions about whether something is too difficult or whether something else has no way out. The attitude with which we approach life, the way we talk to ourselves, is the key. Society, with all its interests, pushes us to disconnect from ourselves, but in the end, we are all born with a brutal intuition.