Maria Beltran Jiménez: "Many families I serve overlook their children's high abilities."

BarcelonaOne of the most obvious characteristics observed in a gifted baby is alertness. This is a lively attitude, full of curiosity, a desire to explore, observe, experiment, and learn, and, consequently, quickly boredom if unstimulated.

Also that a baby starts saying words before eighteen months?

— Early developmental milestones are often one of the first indicators of high abilities, but this is not always the case.

Often, mothers and fathers tend to believe that their children have high abilities.

— In my experience, this isn't the case. Many families I see in consultations simply overlook their children's gifted behaviors because they've normalized their children's behaviors, either because they share them or because they're so used to them that they don't find them meaningful.

It's estimated that 10% of people are gifted. Could your child be?

— At just five months old, and with the somewhat opaque perspective I can have as a mother, I can't and don't want to make any predictions. I prefer to simply continue observing how he develops, without slowing down or forcing anything. We'll see.

Give me three pieces of advice for mothers and fathers of gifted children.

— Screening is the first step. Not only to determine giftedness, but also to understand the strengths and weaknesses of each child's profile and be able to personalize their care. Second, it is key to have a support network of other gifted individuals, both for the well-being of the children and their families. Third, it is just as important not to neglect giftedness as it is to not place it at the center of a child's identity. They have giftedness, but they are much more than their intelligence.

What amazes you right now about your son?

— Above all, I'm amazed by his independent learning and frustration management skills, which I think are quite lacking in today's education. Watching him try something over and over again, getting angry because he can't seem to succeed until he finally succeeds, and he seems immensely happy. It's a challenge to watch him and do nothing, because the natural impulse is to make things easy for him so he doesn't suffer, but the look on his face when he reaches new goals on his own is incredible.

Despite being a psychologist, what has surprised you about parenting?

— The constant barrage of opinions and dogmas about parenting. In the family, with friends, on the street, and online, everyone has something to say about how to raise their children. Whatever you do, it will always be wrong in someone's eyes. It's very easy to lose focus and let a theoretical statement about children override what you already know about your child and your intuition.

And what do you find harder?

— Right now, we're in a phase of poor and inadequate sleep, and that takes its toll on our daily lives. When I don't sleep well, everything seems more terrible and dramatic than I know it really is. I try not to make big decisions these days, ask for and accept help, and, above all, accept that difficult days are part of normality.

What phrases do you repeat to yourself when you can't anymore?

— Above all, I tell myself to be patient, that we're both learning. I remind myself that what my son does isn't all thanks to me, nor is it my fault. And that when he gives me a hard time, it's because he's having a hard time, and I'm not the center of attention.

What kind of mother is she discovering she is?

— I've been surprised by my calmness. I imagined myself as a worried, vigilant, tense, confused, and protective mother, but I'm not feeling that way. There are moments of everything, but I think I understand pretty well what my son needs, and everything is going more smoothly than I expected.

Tell me about a precious moment from these five months.

— I fondly remember his first smile. He was a month and a half old, and the first few weeks had been tough: he had colic and we were very sleepy. That night, my husband had gone to dinner, and I was left alone with the baby for a long time for the first time. After hours of crying and screaming, he slept for four hours straight. When he woke up, he looked at me and smiled, excited, as if he'd just witnessed a miracle, as if he were saying, "It's so good you're here!"