From not seeing family to living together 24 hours a day

BarcelonaMarina and Leandro have lived in Barcelona since 2019. They're from São Paulo and have tried to go once a year, almost always at Christmas. This is the first summer they've traveled to their home country, and it's also the longest they've gone without returning, having not been since December 2023. They've been away for about a month, and emotions are running high: in Barcelona, they've made friends and have a network, but that doesn't stop them from missing their loved ones at times and sympathizing with them. For Marina, it's "leaving home to come back home," and she does so by filling every space with "pure love" in the twenty days she's there.

When they go for Christmas, family and friends have their summer vacations, but there are many commitments and it's hard for them to be able to see everyone together. Furthermore, they realized that to avoid spending a fortune on flights, they would have to leave in early December, and that, with the children in school, meant missing out on many celebrations, which also upsets them. This year, they've taken a different approach. They'll take advantage of the weekdays in July to work remotely from Brazil while their two children are with their grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, and they can spend the weekends as a family. This still has an advantage: when they return, they'll be able to vacation in summer temperatures in Catalonia.

Fernan's family also tries to go to Puerto Rico once a year. They used to go at Christmas, too, so they could swap three weeks of winter for three weeks of summer, but now they're going in the summer. They realized that the holidays, their family commitments, and their friends' commitments didn't leave them time to do other things. On the other hand, if they go in the summer, they can combine plans with extended family, childhood friends, and also with their immediate family.

This is one of the tips given by psychologist Anna Garrés. She is part of the team at the Child Development and Early Care Center (CDIAP EDAI) Les Corts in Barcelona. Among the people she serves, she often encounters families from other parts of the world who make long trips to reunite with their families of origin. She always recommends that they be able to do activities alone to avoid the saturation that this can cause for the children (and adults) 24 hours a day.

"If possible, and especially when the children are young, it's good to try to make their introduction to the family gradual," observes Garrés. However, families with one of the two parents abroad usually travel to the parents' or siblings' homes, and that's not possible. Therefore, Garrés believes that it is necessary, above all, to respect the children's limits and rhythms when establishing a relationship of trust for the duration of the trip. "We forget that perhaps we have all the trust in the world, but the boys and girls don't; over video calls, it's not the same." and you have to give them space and time to settle in," says Garrés.

Connecting via video call

In this sense, Marina's family hasn't encountered these inconveniences. About once a week, both she and her father video call the grandparents, and although they don't force the children to join, she believes it's a good way for the grandparents to see the clean ones and the little ones see the elderly woman.

But it's not all about the children's adaptation, but also about the families, including the adults. From virtual contact, we move to total coexistence, and that can sometimes generate friction or tension and become overwhelming. "Each family can maintain their lives and make the plans they want," Fernan points out. Therefore, they make the most of their days together, but with the freedom that each family unit can have independence. They also try to have "quality time" in Puerto Rico and even help each other with their sisters, since they can't during the year. "We can all breathe a little," she summarizes.

"Go back home, but in Catalonia."

Raquel finds herself in the same situation, but in reverse. She's lived in Brussels for fifteen years and has two young children. Their father is from Togo, and they haven't been there since they were born, so their grandmother hasn't met them. "It's much easier for me because everything is close," Raquel admits, explaining why they always go to Barcelona for vacations, as long as they can combine it with school holidays.

One of the drawbacks Raquel does experience is space when they come to Barcelona. Four of them move into the apartment where two people normally live and have to set up beds, in addition to the large amount of things they bring for parenting. "They welcome us with joy, but it's an invasion," she says. So, a few years ago, they made a bet: since the goal of summer vacation was to spend time together, they settled into a second home where they could have space for everyone. "With distance, we miss each other's day-to-day life, but when we're there, we can experience much more than if we only saw each other on Sundays for lunch," Raquel emphasizes.

The economic impact

Traveling with a family of four has a significant financial impact. Fernan acknowledges that it's a "huge" expense but finds it "unthinkable" not to do so because he enjoys staying on an island "he misses." Furthermore, he values being able to expose his children to Puerto Rican culture and for them to "feel close to it, like a second culture."

Raquel's family spends about 500 euros in the winter and about 1,000 in the summer each time the four of them come. They haven't gone to Togo so Grandma can meet her grandchildren yet. First, for financial reasons, since traveling there could cost them more than 3,500 euros, and second, because while their children were young, they wanted to avoid the risk of exposure to diseases like yellow fever or malaria. Grandma only came to Europe for the wedding, and now they're considering having her be the one to travel.

Vacations, always in the same place

Aside from this barrier, visiting family on vacation also limits the opportunities to enjoy this leisure time in other destinations. "It's almost impossible to consider another trip, but I would like, one day, to be able to visit other places with the children," Fernan admits. For Raquel, it's also a limitation, and apart from not taking other getaways throughout the year, Catalonia takes up their entire summer break.