Families avoiding sugar: "I've felt judged. They think it's some kind of punishment I'm imposing on my daughter."

Barcelona"I've felt judged by other families. They think it's a kind of punishment I'm imposing on my daughter, as if I were depriving her of things. But they don't make me feel bad; quite the opposite. I feel sorry for children who can't eat healthy," explains Daniela Reyes, mother of S.. She and her partner are among the families who avoid sugar in their children's diets.

Marina, mother of five-year-old Sergi, has also experienced this: "You have to fight with a social environment that doesn't share your ideas or your convictions," she explains. They both agree that managing this situation is complicated because the consumption of sugars and processed foods is very normalized in children's contexts. For many families, it involves constant vigilance and having to explain themselves in environments where their choices are not understood.

In fact, the vast majority of school-aged children eat unhealthy snacks.In a recent study from the Open University of Catalonia in collaboration with the Public Health Agency of the Generalitat of Catalonia confirms that only 22% of the snacks of children in Catalonia can be considered healthy and meet the recommendations of the health authorities. These data show the real difficulty of maintaining healthy habits in a context in which ultra-processed products are part of the routine.

Resisting social pressure

"Sometimes there are very complicated situations, like after school or birthdays, where there's a lot of sugar, tables full of candy, chips, processed juices—there's a lot of everything," says Daniela. One of the strategies this family has to try to prevent their daughter from eating sugar when it's easily accessible is to have her eat a lot at home before going to the party or celebration, so that she arrives satiated and without cravings, or to bring her own food and ensure that she has less interest in unhealthy foods. Some families even skip certain celebrations so they don't have to expose their children to sugar. These types of decisions, although consistent with their food education model, can lead to a feeling of social isolation for parents and children.

"We must be careful because when food choices are not free, the feeling of prohibition and extreme limitation can increase the desire for food, which is known as hedonic value, and have a rebound effect," warns Andrea Arroyo, psychologist.

When excessive control can be counterproductive

"In situations like birthday parties, I try to relax. Before, I was more obsessive and tried to control what Sara ate, but I had a hard time with it," says Daniela. According to scientific evidence, certain parenting styles based on overprotection and excessive control can increase the risk of eating disorders. "When there is a parenting style based on maternal overprotection, it is accompanied by this excess of control, which can include controlling what they do with their friends or even what they eat, and it can be a risk factor," notes Arroyo.

"It's normal that if you see your mother treating certain foods with a lot of restriction, fear, or prohibition, this will leave a mark on you in the future. The influence of attachment figures influences many aspects of our adult lives," explains Arroyo, also a collaborating professor of health sciences studies. Parental attitudes can profoundly shape children's future beliefs and attitudes toward food and their own bodies. The way a child sees their parents' relationships with certain foods shapes their perspective. However, she points out that each child interprets the messages they receive from their parents differently, and these interpretations can lead to different consequences: for example, developing an unhealthy relationship with food or the opposite.

The emotional cost of being different

Daniela's daughter, Sara, has sometimes cried or complained about not eating the same things as the other children: "Why can others eat and I can't?" her mother recalls. Marina has experienced a similar situation with her son: "I've had to tell him that I would bring him cookies the next day, and sometimes he's eaten more than I would like or expected for a snack," she comments.

The fact that sugar consumption in children's snacks or breakfasts is so normalized generates a great deal of social pressure on families who deviate from the norm, making them feel singled out and different. "Since my sugar restriction isn't the same as other parents' and I'm afraid my child will feel different, I end up giving in. I think doing so causes less harm than my child feeling excluded," Marina acknowledges. Between dietary consistency and emotional protection, many families must learn to navigate a social environment that doesn't always facilitate such a balance.

Dr. Arroyo warns that this feeling of difference could have a negative psychological effect on children: lower self-esteem, greater insecurity, or feeling excluded.

Finding a healthy balance

"When I see her feeling bad because I limit her sugar intake, it's like a knife stabbed in the heart. I tell her I'm not forbidding her, that she can eat it, but I want her to know it's not good for her health, that it's not good for her," explains Daniela. "Now that she's little, I'm in charge of her diet, and I think as a mother, the best thing to do is to protect her from certain foods that aren't good for her," she adds.

Both Sara, seven, and Sergi, five, ask their mothers' permission to eat something with sugar. "He asks my permission and I give in, but if I see that he's having a hard time setting the limit, then I set it myself, because I think he's too young to set it for himself," explains Marina about her experience. Daniela, on rare occasions, will allow her daughter to eat some sweets, especially if the balance of what she's eaten that day is very healthy. These types of family agreements seek to teach children to self-regulate, respecting their maturity and avoiding strict impositions that could be counterproductive in the long term.

"I'm always concerned that this restriction could trigger a rebound effect in the future; I always keep that in mind. There's a fine line between trying to do things right and, at the same time, fostering a bad relationship with certain foods. That's why I try to educate myself, read, and also discuss it with the pediatrician," explains Daniela.

Sara's mother believes that the way this restriction is communicated is very important: that the girl doesn't perceive it as a punishment or a negative prohibition, but rather as an act of caring for her health, thinking about a better quality of life in the long term.

Food flexibility, education and critical thinking

Between absolute prohibition and total permissiveness, there is a middle ground: dietary flexibility. "The best thing to do is move along a grayscale of tolerance: limiting, but to a certain extent, adjusting sugar consumption, but without going to extremes," says Arroyo. This involves allowing sugar consumption occasionally and communicating it in a way that's tailored to the child's age.

"You can eat this food, but it's not going to build your growth tract, which is your body, in the same way," Marina explains to her son. "I tell him what excess sugar does to the body, as if I were an adult, but adapting the language," adds Daniela. This way, responsibility and autonomy are fostered in children, avoiding the feeling of guilt associated with consuming sweet foods.

Adapting the message to the child's stage is key to helping them understand the reasons for the restriction. "It's necessary to instill nutritional education and critical thinking (adapted to their age), because these are two very important protective factors," warns Arroyo. Depending on their age, they may not understand what carbohydrates or refined sugar are, but they may understand that eating too many sweets can cause cavities. The key is to use simple, relatable examples that help children internalize the concepts.

One of the most challenging times to maintain these guidelines is adolescence, a stage filled with change. "If too much is forbidden early on, it can awaken an intense desire that, in adolescence or adulthood, translates into excessive consumption in the form of revenge. I've had patients who have even gone so far as to steal money," warns Arroyo.

In fact, the study by the UOC and the Public Health Agency of Catalonia, published in the rmagazine Nutrients, analyzed 2,163 snacks from 734 Catalan families with children between the ages of three and twelve and warned that as the age of schoolchildren increases, the nutritional quality of snacks decreases.

Don't label and be an example

The way parents talk about food—whether they label it as good, bad, permitted, or prohibited—directly influences their children's future relationship with food, because the example they set is key. "It can influence children in many ways, and one of the determining factors is precisely how their children perceive their parents' management of food," the psychologist points out.

For Arroyo, it's important to be careful and differentiate between educating in healthy habits and imposing strict rules. "The limits lie in avoiding authoritarianism and encouraging cooperation. It's key to offer truthful information, promote understanding, and respect children's opinions. This red line marks the difference between educating with respect or falling into imposition and the loss of freedom in their relationship with food," she advises.

Therefore, among the main strategies to avoid a bad relationship with certain foods is not to categorize foods as good or bad. "It's a mistake to dichotomize foods; they shouldn't be demonized, neither food in general nor sugar," Arroyo emphasizes.

Educate on eating with respect

To help children build a healthy relationship with food, the psychologist emphasizes that there are two key resources: nutritional education and the promotion of critical thinking. "You have to start early, with messages adapted to their age. For example, explaining that ice cream doesn't help build their growth, while fruits, vegetables, and grains do," explains Arroyo. This type of education conveys the importance of taking care of the body without absolute prohibitions or total permissiveness, and with an approach based on scientific evidence. It's not about completely eliminating sugar, but rather teaching how to consume it responsibly and consciously.

Furthermore, Arroyo insists on the need to foster critical thinking and personal safety. "It is essential that children develop their own criteria, the ability to discern, and learn to set limits respectfully," she concludes. This combination of nutritional education, critical thinking, and self-respect constitutes a solid foundation for fostering a healthy and balanced relationship with food from childhood.