I don't feel like playing with my son.

SabadellMany adults, when they come home after a tiring day at work, find their children eager to play. Parents, on the other hand, prefer silence, relaxation, or solitude. Is this normal? Is it understandable? Are you a bad parent for feeling this way? We analyze it with Sara Tarrés, a child and family psychologist with more than 15 years of experience, member of the Official College of Psychologists of Catalonia (COPC), and author of I don't like my son. (Current Platform) and My emotions exposed (Salvatella). Tarrés is also the creator of the blog Mamá Psicóloga Infantil.

Is it normal not to feel like playing with your children?

"It's much more common than we think, and it's absolutely human," the expert explains. "There are moments in life," Tarrés explains, "when exhaustion, overload, or simply the need to have a moment to ourselves and breathe make it difficult for us to find time to play with our children. The problem isn't hearing it, but experiencing it with guilt." The psychologist makes it clear that parents shouldn't play with their children all day long, because it's not healthy for them either.

Why is it taboo and not talked about openly?

According to Tarrés, although it's a situation many parents experience, few admit it out loud for fear of being judged. "We live in a society that idealizes parenting and expects constant availability, especially from mothers, and this is even more pronounced when we look at social media. But the reality is different: families aren't machines; we don't have time for everything, nor the desire or energy to play whenever our children want," explains the psychologist. Furthermore, some adults don't know how to cope with children's play. "They see it as a waste of time, they feel uncomfortable, or they don't know how to lower themselves to their children's level, and this generates emotional disconnection and, often, feelings of guilt or frustration.

How to manage it?

"Listening to ourselves is sometimes just a temporary need for a break, other times it's a sign that something isn't right emotionally," she clarifies. In this situation, she suggests that, when we don't feel like playing with our children, we look for alternatives like reading or going for a walk. "To play and enjoy ourselves, you have to really be there; it's not enough to be physically there. They notice when we're there and when we're not, and sometimes it's better to calmly say, 'I can't right now, but I'll play with you after snack,' than to force ourselves and end up exploding," she points out.

Should we feel guilty or like bad parents?

Absolutely not. "Love isn't about being available all the time, but about how we relate to others, how we care, how we accompany, how we help them grow. It's also shown in the consistency of small gestures, in how we listen, how we support, in how we feel, even when things aren't easy. "Not now."

Does idealized parenting help us much?

For Tarrés, it's an emotional trap. "It distances us from reality and makes us feel inadequate. When we accept that parenting also means making mistakes, getting tired, doubting, and starting over, we can begin to experience it with greater serenity," says the psychologist, who also recommends moving away from a "rigid use" of parenting labels, if they cease to be labels at all.