Celia Padilla: "Childbirth isn't a race, and oxytocin doesn't quite play well with clocks."

BarcelonaMy pregnancy went very well, overall. I was lucky enough to feel physically well, so the nine months flew by without me even noticing.

I'm sure you had better times than others.

— The best time was definitely the second trimester. I had more energy and didn't suffer from the sleepiness or fatigue I felt in the first trimester. Now, if I have to tell you about the tough times, they were at the beginning of the pregnancy, with the first ultrasounds and tests. Back then, I felt uncertain about whether everything would be okay.

And how were the final months?

— Toward the end of pregnancy, when the body is already heavy and sleep is difficult, some physical discomforts appear, such as the need to go to the bathroom every half hour. But, even though I'm a midwife, there were aspects that surprised me.

How now?

— The emotional intensity of everything I felt—what was good and what wasn't so good—I fully understood the theory of my hormonal changes, but when I had to experience them firsthand, I realized that not everything can be rationalized or controlled.

Any valuable lessons?

— Look, something I learned that isn't in the books was the importance of accepting and surrendering to the process you're going through without trying to fight it. Sometimes we want to plan every step, but motherhood invites us to surrender a little, to trust and control less.

Were you afraid?

— Yes, I've experienced fears of various kinds, and I completely understand women who suffer. My advice is to try to normalize them. Fears aren't a mistake or a sign of weakness. Quite the opposite. They're part of the emotional adjustment process that motherhood entails.

And how did you deal with them?

— In my case, I dealt with them by talking a lot. With my partner, with friends, and with my midwife, who was the person I could confide in about all my paranoia. I didn't keep anything bottled up inside. Writing also helped me; this allowed me to sort through everything I was feeling and gain some perspective.

You think fear is valuable.

— Yes. Feelings of fear, although uncomfortable, force you to look within, to prepare yourself emotionally, to review your limits. The problem with fears is when they stop being a warning sign and cause persistent distress or paralyze you. If this is the case, it's necessary to seek professional help.

Of all the dark feelings, which was the hardest to control?

— Premature guilt. The thought of whether or not I would be able to bond with the baby, the thought that if I didn't bond strongly, I would be a bad mother. I also felt that every decision I made had to be perfect and that any mistake would affect the baby. All of this is part of the responsibility we mothers feel.

How do you remember the day you were born?

— It was the greatest day of my life. I remember the excitement of knowing that in just a few hours I would meet my little one. But the most beautiful moment was when I held him in my arms for the first time. It's that feeling of "you're here now" and being able to say out loud "I've done it." It was indescribable. I had been with my son for months, and suddenly, I saw him. I felt so powerful for having been able to bring him into my life.

Is there anything you would have done differently?

— If I could go back now, I'm sure I'd trust my body more. There were times when I wanted to be too focused on all the technical details, and now I know I could have let go much more, that I should have trusted my instinct more. Oxytocin doesn't really get along with watches.

Tell me about an unforgettable moment.

I remember very clearly the first time Nico burst out laughing. It was my sister who got him to laugh by making a face that, for some reason, fascinated him. I remember the clear, unexpected sound of his laugh, a sound that pierced me. I felt as if, in an instant, everything fell into place.