Celebrate Christmas in November

BarcelonaAt home, Maria has three daughters, all of whom live in Barcelona, ​​but two of their partners are from abroad, and from far away: Puerto Rico and Australia. It's no surprise, then, that these two families sometimes take advantage of this time of year to travel to their countries of origin and spend the holidays with their respective families. That's why, for the past few years, when she knows this is happening, Maria brings forward the cannelloni, the escudella (Catalan stew), the meat stew, the cava, and the turrón (nougat) to the end of November. "It's difficult to all be at the table on Christmas Day," she explains, "but that doesn't stop us from finding a date to celebrate with everyone." In total, the two grandparents, the three partners, and the seven grandchildren all get together, along with the Three Kings. With trips to the other side of the world, it's normal for the daughters' families to make the most of them and extend their vacations as much as possible. Therefore, having a meal together on January 6th is also a complicated mission, and they've even postponed it until mid-February, opting for a more informal dinner. "We almost never exchange gifts on Three Kings' Day," says Maria, "but the presents are under the tree from that day onward, that's for sure." The challenge—and the credit—here goes to the grandchildren who do live in the city: they endure seeing the gifts under their parents' tree until all the cousins ​​return from their Christmas trips.

They won't be celebrating it that late, but this year, at Montse's house, Three Kings' Day won't be celebrated on January 6th either. It will be the first time since she's had daughters, since when her grandmother was still alive, it was the big holiday that brought her family together. Since becoming solely dependent on her, she has maintained the tradition with her three daughters, who, in different ways and in different places, have managed to find ways to be together on that magical day. However, this year things have changed. One of her daughters has separated from her partner, and for the first time, her children won't be there, as they will be with their father that week. And the circumstances have changed for the youngest daughter, who also has two girls. Her partner's brother, her in-laws, who lived abroad, moved to Catalonia this year, and since they also have young children, they are excited to celebrate the day with their nieces. So, they have all agreed to postpone Three Kings' Day by four days and hope to make up the time every two years. "It will be strange, because we've always done it this way, but I prefer to make this change or this extra time than not be able to see each other at all," says Carme, who, for now, hasn't ruled out hosting a nice meal on January 6th for anyone who wants to join.

New Realities

Families who have to travel, families who return, separated families, blended and intermarried families… the image of the most traditional Christmas has been fading for years, and in some homes it's difficult to find everyone who would like to share a day of celebration. But as Leticia Asenjo, psychologist and writer, recommends, we must try "not to fall into this trap." "Family diversity doesn't have to make it more difficult, because reality is what it is," says Asenjo, director of the EDAI psychology centers, who suggests "breaking free from nostalgia, which never helps life." "Surely there were other things buried in the holidays of our childhood as well; family diversity brings new realities."

These new realities have also appeared in Marta's home. There are four siblings, and traditionally they celebrated Christmas Eve at their parents' house and Christmas Day at their partners' homes; Boxing Day was more flexible. But in her case, her partner's family celebrates the 25th more, and therefore, combining everything is more complicated. "They only get together on the 25th, and at first we considered doing it separately," she explains. But they've finally decided to keep Christmas Eve and Boxing Day with her family and Christmas Day with his. "We're practical and don't make alternative meals; whoever's there, is there, and whoever isn't, will come," says Marta. They also get together on other days throughout the year for birthdays, and someone always can't make it. "We've never made a big deal out of it; it is what it is," Marta adds.

In their case, a good part of the work falls to the mother, but she always has everyone's help. She says they have a simple Christmas Eve dinner: bread with tomato, cold cuts, and cheeses; cannelloni—made a few days before with the help of one of the daughters—for Christmas Day; and galets soup for Boxing Day. The grocery shopping does complicate things a bit more because she admits she has to make sure the bill doesn't get out of hand, but that there's enough food for everyone. "Over the years I've become more practical, because in the end I don't know anymore if there will be ten or fifteen of us that day," says Marta's mother.

Extended and traditional families

Balancing days and families has always required effort, but at Mar's house, it seems effortless. Unlike most, even though neither of her grandparents are still alive, she continues to celebrate Christmas and Boxing Day with her extended family "like when I was little." Or almost, because even in her exemplary case, they don't escape the puzzle that is Christmas.

At her father's house, the Rocaberts, there are seven siblings. Three celebrate separately and four separately due to space limitations and the family's evolution. Mar and her immediate family eat at her aunt's house in Barcelona, ​​and she always attends because her partner no longer has any parents. Her sister also attends, but since she's separated, one year she goes alone and the next with her children. In total, they can get together between twenty and twenty-five people, which seems like a lot, but it's small compared to her mother's family, the Maltas, who can number up to forty. The five sisters still get together to celebrate Boxing Day—and one of them makes the cannelloni for everyone. All ten cousins, their partners, and their children join in. Her sister is the same; she's always there, but some years she comes with her children and other years she doesn't, and other cousins ​​might miss it the years they're with their partner's family. "I'm very family-oriented and I love doing it this way," says Mar, adding that "it's not the perfect situation, but I'm very lucky that we get along well and enjoy seeing each other."