Should grandparents babysit their grandchildren in the summer?

BarcelonaThree weekday mornings, Lídia takes care of her one-and-a-half-year-old grandson. She's already at home by nine: she gives him breakfast, helps him get dressed, and spends the morning playing with him until his mother returns from work at noon. "It's not hard for me," assures this sixty-seven-year-old grandmother.

On the other two weekdays, the boy is left in the care of the other grandparents in the family. It's a solution that, for now, satisfies everyone and will remain that way at least through the summer. "I'm delighted, although it's true that when I'm gone I end up tired. Not physically, but mentally, because you're constantly under pressure, making sure nothing happens to him," she confesses.

Like her, many grandparents dedicate part of their time to caring for their grandchildren so that the parents can continue with their work. A situation shared by many families who find it very difficult to balance family and work life in a system that, especially between the ages of zero and three, leaves almost exclusively in the hands of families what in other countries is the government's job. The result? Many are almost forced to seek local, unpaid labor: grandparents.

"We are a family-oriented country. Catalonia, as a pioneer in industrialization, was based on the extended family," explains demographer Joana Maria Pujadas, a professor at the Faculty of Arts and Humanities at the UOC. Thus, if a married woman with a child returned to work, she did so because she had someone at home who could take care of her. And most likely, that person was a grandmother.

Notices released?

For the expert, it's not that today "we abuse grandparents more," but rather that "now we can use grandparents because we have them; before we couldn't because they had died." This life expectancy is compounded by the fact that there are fewer and fewer clean ones. "At some point, we will have more elderly people than grandchildren," Pujades points out. The Statistical Institute of Catalonia already estimated that in 2024, the population over sixty-five would be 19.52%, while the zero-to-fifteen age group would be only 14.83%.

"It's one thing for grandparents to be qualified and have the health and energy to take care of grandchildren, but another is that perhaps we should ask more of them if they want to perform this service, not assume they are obliged to do so," Pujades continues.

In this sense, the professor of social anthropology and member of the AFIN group at the UAB, Carolina Remorini asserts that not all grandparents want to dedicate their retirement years to caring for their grandchildren. "I had female students in some courses for seniors who said they were there because they didn't want to keep things clean all day," she explains.

"Throughout history, grandparents have cared for their grandchildren, but today we are not the same people we were before," the anthropologist continues. For starters, motherhood has been significantly delayed, and today not only do parents have older children, but grandparents are older as well, with the resulting loss of energy this entails. "Many studies have been conducted that highlight the benefits and positive impact of a good relationship between grandparents and grandchildren, for both. But, at the other extreme, there are also older people who feel overwhelmed, frustrated, and pressured. It all depends on each situation and its particular context," the anthropologist clarifies.

Remorini also points out that it's a cultural construct to think that older people—or those without children—should take on childcare. "They may do so for a certain amount of time, but not intensively," she adds. The anthropologist has also observed how many grandmothers are beginning to claim the rights and opportunities they didn't have during their youth to do what they truly wanted, and now, at this point in their lives, they want to live their lives differently.

Setting limits

With the arrival of summer and school holidays, the family situation becomes even more serious during the weeks when parents can't take vacations. This is when many choose to turn to grandparents, who aren't always willing or able to be available. "They're people who have already endured many burdens in life and are now at a biological stage where they need more rest," notes Mireia Cabero, psychologist, professor at the UOC, and founder of Public Emotional Culture. And while being with grandchildren can distract them and bring them much joy, the fact that their task is almost like working part-time isn't always what they would like for their free time. "There are many who would like to live outside the home, but find themselves having to take care of their grandchildren. They accept this, but they are also aware that life is slipping away from them," Cabero continues.

Many elderly people take on a task that has often not been clearly discussed or agreed upon. And it's not always easy to set boundaries when love and responsibility are mixed with family expectations and silence. "We're finding families where honest communication doesn't shine as brightly as it should, and that makes it difficult for everyone to express their real needs," the psychologist points out. Mature communication in the family requires assertiveness, empathy, and the ability to hold difficult conversations. But, as the expert acknowledges, "these three things are much harder to do than to say." When grandparents begin to feel physically or mentally tired, they don't always find the space or the tone to say: "Hey, can you set me free sometime?"

Cabero also warns of another growing phenomenon: child overprotection and how this relates to unbalanced family dynamics. "Children grow up overprotected not for no reason, but because they are raised in families that encourage this overprotection. Often, parents don't do enough of their role, and that has consequences," laments the psychologist, who adds how this imbalance later spills over into the relationship with the parents themselves. "When our parents, who are grandparents, set limits for us... perhaps we don't know how to listen," she warns. This may explain why many grandparents don't dare ask for a break, for fear of not being heard or causing a conflict.

Furthermore, Cabero adds how many parents, in addition to needing a work-life balance, also demand a growing need for personal spaces, leisure time, and self-care. "There are many parents who leave their children with grandparents so they can go to the gym or go away for a weekend. I don't criticize them, but it's a reality that needs to be faced head on," warns Cabero.

Faced with all this, the psychologist challenges all grandparents who need to communicate: "Find the courage to do it honestly. Be true to their needs." It's necessary, she says, to break with the idea that grandparents are available by default. "It's time to recognize that they have the right to set limits, to rest, and to live their own lives," she continues. The key to achieving this? Learning to listen to each other more and recovering a family culture in which expressing needs isn't taboo, but a sign of love and maturity.