Tània Soler: "As an adult, I discovered pivotal events in my life that I was unaware of."

BarcelonaBefore becoming a mother, I had very firm convictions about who I was and what my path would be. I didn't imagine the extent to which motherhood transforms you completely, the extent to which I myself would become a different person. I thought it would be harder for me to stop prioritizing myself, and that I would sometimes experience it with unease or as a loss.

And did it cost you?

— It hasn't been easy, but putting my children first is something that comes naturally to me, and I don't regret anything.

What else has surprised you about being a mother?

— I thought parenting would be simpler, and I think that being consistent in the messages you give your children can be exhausting. It's a bit like a slow drip, a daily, never-ending effort, constantly refining and refining. Knowing this difficulty allows me to empathize with other parents and, above all, to refrain from judging anyone.

What do you feel more confident about now than you did four years ago?

— I want to be content and at peace with myself, not with what society expects of me. I'm doing everything I can to ensure my children grow up safe and happy. I've been surprised to learn to enjoy simple things that I never imagined could make me so happy. I've always been very independent and loved adventure and activities that involve a bit of adrenaline. But at this stage, when they're still little, I've discovered that nothing makes me as happy as a weekend in the mountains or watching them play wherever I am.

And what makes you suffer?

— There's a deep-seated sense of self-imposed pressure and guilt that surfaces strongly when you become a mother. When you try to preserve personal space beyond motherhood, you often judge yourself, or feel judged by society. Just as my second son, Pau, was born, I received the news that my manuscript had been accepted and that The Voices of Fire I would move forward. That gave me strength during a very happy but also vulnerable time.

Your novel, The voices of fire, It begins with the death of a grandmother and the discovery of family secrets. Does this coincide with any personal experience?

— The need to talk about how ignorance of the past can shape us stems from the fact that, as an adult, I discovered pivotal events in my life that I was unaware of and that were essential to my identity. I believe it's crucial to know our own history, and when this is denied to us, even if it's to protect us, when you finally discover it, you can feel infantilized and humiliated, and your foundations can crumble. Restoring order when certain truths are uncovered requires time, emotional tools, and a lot of time spent with oneself.

Having children, each new generation is an opportunity to cleanse.

— Absolutely. I always say that when my children were born, not only were they born, but I was born too. A mother was born, a new Tania who hadn't existed before. We all go through life carrying a backpack, which is our own story. In my case, the moment I became a mother, that backpack lightened. I was no longer just a daughter, but also a mother. My role in life took on a whole new meaning.

When you observe children, do you think that mistakes made by grandparents might affect them in some way?

— I like to think I'm capable of protecting them from everything and everyone, even though I know it's impossible. What's happened in my life has made me who I am, and it's inevitable that this legacy influences how I raise them. However, over the years I've acquired tools to lighten the load I mentioned earlier. I try to ensure that what I pass on to them isn't a burden but a guide: lessons that help them grow, not weights that dictate their lives.

Ultimately, what is essential?

— What's important is consistency and daily effort. Being able to be at peace and content with who we are. Everything else is just noise. The best gift my life has given me is seeing them together. Pau's devotion to the sea and how Mar takes care of Pau. Nothing I achieve in life will make me as proud as seeing them happy.