Most of us will remember the scene from the movie The Intouchables where the protagonist reaches orgasm through ear stimulation. But... to what extent is this real?

Masturbating while in a relationship has, for a long time, been a controversial topic. As if having a partner should mean giving up one's own sexuality. And precisely, we know that masturbation is healthy, just as it is to know oneself and to maintain one's own sexuality.

This is a question that is a trap in itself. Many times, in consultation, requests related to this arrive: to recover the flame and, consequently, to return to how it was before.

For years they have sold us a fairly concrete idea of sexual desire: that it appears on its own, by magic, when the relationship is going well and there is chemistry. But reality is a bit more complex. And understanding this can prevent a lot of relationship anxiety.

There are couples who end up functioning as an indivisible pack. They do everything together, share all plans, the same friends, the same hobbies and, over time, it even seems they have developed the same personality. This is what we call fusion relationships: relationships in which, at times, it is difficult to know where one person ends and the other begins.

For years we have heard that sex is a biological need. Like eating, sleeping, or breathing. But beware: it is a myth. No one has ever died from not having sex.

Lubricants still carry a certain bad reputation. Some people think they are only needed when "there is a problem," but the reality is very different: using lubricant is a great ally for pleasure. Practically any sexologist will tell you so. In fact, their use is associated with greater sexual satisfaction because it helps reduce discomfort, increase pleasant sensations, and make relationships more fluid and comfortable. Now, which lubricant should you choose? The most important thing is to look at the base. There are mainly three: water-based, silicone-based, and oil-based.

Faking orgasms is much more common than it seems. Most of the time it's them, but they aren't exempt either. And often it has less to do with sex than with the expectations we generate around it. It's as if we feel we have to validate, to reassure the other's ego, or to show that "it went well." This is where the orgasmic imperative comes into play: the idea that a sexual relationship is only complete if it ends in orgasm.

Sexual fantasies arouse a lot of curiosity, but also a lot of guilt. There are people who are scared by what they imagine or wonder what that says about them. But perhaps the first thing to understand is that fantasizing is not the same as desiring. We can fantasize about a specific situation and have no real interest in putting it into practice. Fantasy is not a contract with reality, nor does it necessarily mask an unconscious desire for a philia or a trauma. Sorry, psychoanalysis.

Infidelity is one of the most painful experiences a couple can go through. Not only because a pact is broken, but because insecurities and feelings of betrayal emerge, and all the trust built up to that point is questioned. It is common to feel anger, sadness, humiliation, or confusion.

Orgasm has become, for many people, a kind of final exam for sex. If it doesn't happen, it seems like the encounter was incomplete, mediocre, or a complete failure. This is called the orgasmic imperative: the idea that every sexual encounter must end in orgasm and that it is the ultimate proof that sex went well.

For years, the hymen has been presented to us as a kind of "seal" that covers the vagina and breaks with the first penetration. An image that has fueled myths, fears, and even forms of control over the sexuality of many women. But the anatomical reality is quite different.

When a relationship ends, we often look for quick formulas to stop suffering: no contact, staying busy, going out more, deleting photos. And all of this can help. But the reality is that there is no magic key to overcoming a breakup.

Talking about sexuality at home is usually, even today, uncomfortable. Not to go any further, I invite you to remember how this topic was dealt with in your families of origin. Often, the answer is: “There was no sex education at home.” But not talking about it also educates. Transmitting to children that it makes us uncomfortable is, in essence, teaching them that sexuality is a taboo. And so, it will be difficult for us to become role models.

If you've asked yourself this question before, there's probably a basic idea worth revisiting: sex isn't about pleasing. Or, at least, not just about that. Because when we understand sexual relations as the other person's responsibility – as if they should know exactly what we need or how to make us enjoy ourselves – it's easy to end up experiencing sex with frustration, pressure, or disappointment.

Reigniting desire is a common concern for many couples at some point in their relationship. And it's completely natural: no one has explained to us that sexual desire isn't constant, but rather something that also needs to be nurtured and worked on.

In sexuality, normality does not exist. And, furthermore, people lie quite a bit about what they do and don't do in bed: we come from a historically taboo subject that, at the same time, confers a certain status. Saying you have a lot of sex continues to be a strong selling point. Many times this creates "what's expected" to be a kind of "collective mirage" created from lies and exaggerations.